Depression and isolation - Ever decreasing circles.

I get up, bleary eyed and head to the bathroom. Work had been busy last night but I have a few days off. I've got plenty to do. The cars need to be ready for a club meeting in a few days and theres always jobs to do on them. I'm lucky, I've got two sports cars, a decent career and the world is pretty good on this sunny morning in Surrey. Its mid summer and hot as a hot thing. My wife and I decide to take our young daughter to local event, since it's just round the corner, on our estate. She runs around between the tents and big vehicles like any other 6 years old, we get ice creams, and and all in all life is good.

It's a nice memory and brings smile to my face, as I recall all the hopes and dreams of three people that were seemingly there for the taking that summer.

And yet.....

Seven years later that little girl is now 13, her mother and I are divorced, the career and cars are gone, as are some of the dreams.

So what went wrong? To answer that, lets fast forward to now, or more correctly 24 hours ago.

I had rough night last night. roiling, seething emotions conspiring keep me from sleep. My situation is so far removed from my former life as to almost unrecognisable. In the 7 years between that hot summer day in Surrey and today, so much has happened, be it good, bad be it, irrelevant, irreverent, or simply inelegant, that I don't quite know where to start.

Depression, Isolation and the big myth. 

What image does the word "depression" conjure in your mind? Who do you see when you visualise the typical persons who might "be depressed"? The World health organisations estimates 350 million people suffer with Depression. Or to to put it another way 5% of the worlds population. 

Of those people, the "reasons" for the depression will be as varied and as diverse as humans themselves. I recent re watched some of the works by one Stephen Fry, who likened depression to "the weather" It's something that for many "just happens", and there's a great truth in that. 

I do like Stephen, since he brings to bear and intellect and honesty that is compelling. He openly discusses that which once resided behind firmly closed doors, and completes the enquiry and thoughtful examination of the issues from a perspective routed in compassionate and ethical discourse. That is a rare thing these days. 

"The weather" is such a good analogy, since when it rains, its just raining. No point denying that its raining, and of course at some point it will stop raining, the sun once more returning. Depression therefore is simply like mental rain. Our own personal cloud. And of course, when it rains, one cannot but get wet. 

Of course for some its hurricane, and for others a gloomy grey and leaden sky. For still others it is like an ever present fog, or walking through treacle. All these metaphors have been used at various times to describe what "depressed" feels like.

A good friend of mine who knows first hand what the feeling is like sent me this picture the other day:

It's very apt, or at least it is for me. 

So much for what depression is, but how do we deal with it? Well there are a few ways, and if we use an analogy of something like asthma, not all methods will be appropriate for all people. 

Over the next few days, after the bank holiday as my own circumstances allow I'll expand on that and share a few things that have worked, and still work for me, plus other ideas and suggestions on the issue of mental health, self care etc. 

As for what went wrong?  It's simple. back when I began to realise there was an issue, I took too long "just dealing with it" and when I eventually sought help for what had become unmanageable that help was patchy, being in some areas great, and in others woefully lacking. 

Whilst one can never say what an outcome "might have been" and I suspect that some situations would not have resulted in different outcomes, perhaps it may have been wise to act sooner. 

We shall never know. 

Have a great bank holiday ;-) 

Laters!