The faithful Navigator....

Hello! Tis Sunday again.

What a busy week! Family stuff saw me buzzing unexpectedly down and back up the A1 a few times,  and other stuff just keeps happening in life's usual random way.

It's those random things that I'm thinking of as I write this. For the usual mundane reasons of keeping a roof over my head etc I'm applying for various jobs whilst simultaneously completing my management diploma, and embarking on an NVQ assessors award. Being a few decades old, and having been and done a couple of things, plus holding a fistful of papers that detail my skill set, one would think that this isn't such a big issue. I'm not looking for rocket science jobs, just something that enables me to do the other stuff I've set myself as goals. The usual time/money equation.

So. I recently went for a job at a well known retailer. They deal in bikes amongst other things. Online process? check. Telephone interview? check. Store chat and interview? check.

"It'll take around 2 weeks for a decision so we will let you know"

24 hours later an email arrives in my inbox.

"Blah blah .....other candidates more closely match the skill set were looking for.....blah blah..."

Hmm. ok.

Fine we've all been unsuccessful in interviews, I get that, but in this instance given the yawning gap between what they required and my qualifications and abilities, with the later very much being in the more accomplished end of the scale, I took issue on a number of points.

Of course after a brief escalation it just gets farmed up to a level where Goliath looks at David and just goes. .."yeah? whatever, what you gonna do about it anyhow?"

Now I'm not really fussed. The job was there, it was a possible earner short term, I've not lost anything. Or so I thought.

It occurred to me that this has happened before. Military, Nurse, National retail competitor. All have made subjective decisions regarding me, and thus I find myself at this point in my life, very much on the "have not" side of the afluence and resource see/saw. Seemingly where I've been, what I've done and what I can do, being outweighed by other more nefarious consideration of "what I am"

Now, I'm not about to subscribe to the "woe is me" mantra and blame the world for where my life has arrived at this point. It MY life, thus it's mine to live, as are the consequence of any decisions. In life, action and reaction are ever present, and just because the reaction is perhaps "wrong" does not infer any fault on the action. It does however require one to learn. If you continue to take that action then one must expect a reaction similar to those that have gone before, and develop a way to deal with it. (Societal change is of course another response but that aint exactly a 5 minute job now is it?)

Of course, I'm alluding to the fact that all these circumstances occurred AFTER I came out to various people as trans. Interviewing as a trans person is ...interesting. Before that point I found doors opened, opportunities were presented, and to an extent I was taken at face value for what my resume and life experience indicated. After all, an eloquent white, middle class, male, former soldier is often a positive first impression.

However an eloquent white, middle class, formerly male soldier, not so much. So what am I to do?

Option one ... get angry at the world and curl up into a ball ..screaming you're all fuckers ...
Option two ... revert back to denying myself and fitting in with inherent risks of a depressive return to a very dark mental space
Option three ... Own that shit.... say ok, so you want me to re prove what I've already proven? ...fine its your funeral fuckers... accept it's gonna be a rough ride and roll with it.

Those of you who've read my trans centric posts may know already that I don't purport to understand all this trans stuff, just some of it. What I can say is that despite the slings and arrows of, shall we say,  "discriminatory" behaviour  I find myself smiling. Smiling on the walk back from the village shop cos the sky was burning orange at sunset, Smiling at the thought that for today at least, I can put the heating on. Enjoying a contented feeling as I listen to the rain outside and grinning at a soggy office cat as he comes back home most disgruntled at being soggy. All this despite the situation in which I find myself. Why is that?

Because I realised something after this latest rejection

I thought I'd lost my confidence. For a time the fear of rejection staying my hand in applying for other jobs that I know I can do. For a while i didnt apply for any after this incident. Then it hit me on that walk back from the shop, I still believe in me for I have something the detractors and nay sayers and discriminatory types don't.....

40 years of living as myself through some interesting times. They don't have that knowledge of who, what, and why I am where I am. They don't "know" me and thus the rejection is a reflection on their lack of insight rather than any meaningful reflection on myself as either a person or a professional. Not applying because they may not like what they see is the wrong mindset, trying to second guess them rather than confirming where I myself stand. So let them choose, for the choice is their's to make, nothing more or less than that.

Of course any sane individual will reflect on a process and learn from it. Honest reflection is a key skill in anyone purporting to be self aware. It is fair to say I am not blameless in my current circumstance, and on reflection it perhaps wasn't my best interview ever. But regardless, other's judgments of me are not my burden to bear. They are however rocks in the sea of trepidation through which we all sail. They must be navigated through, just like any other, so that we arrive where we intend. Curling up into a ball and letting go of the tiller will result in a shipwreck more surely than anything else.

But what of option two? cant you just "fit in"? Well the short answer is "been there done that" and it lead here....So no. I'm not gonna try and "fit in" I know innately because of my little smiles, and quiet contentment in life that this path is "a good thing". The old version of me, faced with the these challenges, would - and did - get very confrontational, a personality trait I was never fond of.  These days, even though I still have a temper (who doesn't?) I'm much more chilled out, & maybe a little wiser .. perhaps. This is a Good Thing.

Taking option three however does require something that is at times a little tricky to maintain in the face of such blatant "no platforming" of a frankly pretty decent skill set. Faith. I don't mean the kneeling chanting praying kind. I mean the kind of faith that lets you believe that somewhere behind all those rocks is a safe port. A place where you can again be all you can be, and where others see that for what it is. Faith that your direction is true, your professional compass calibrated, and that you will, if you remain #stubbornlyoptimistic, eventually find that which you seek.

So, my fellow Seafaring readers, be you Trans, black, Hispanic short tall, Male, Female, NB, LGB or Pirate, whatever "it" is that people judge in you, just navigate past that shit, for in the end rocks are worn down by the sea, and that results in safe, smooth waters for all.


Your faithfully...
;-)

The difference between Weeds and Grass.

Today I'm sat at my desk surrounded by candlelight. Its pitch black outside and the pasta is bubbling away on the stove for tea. The weather is pretty grim, with the remains of the latest storm blowing through the UK. All in all a cosy winters evening, with a roof, 4 walls, some heat and some food. Very much the metaphorical billionaire if ever there was one.

Like many people this week I've been watching. Watching the world come to terms with events, and a population come to terms with its choices.

Of course most eyes are pointed towards the Western horizon. What will the new president elect do? and what will the consequences be?

However. Rather than watch him, I've been paying attention to the reaction of those who both agree and disagree with some of the things that have been said over the past few months.

The most notable was the full page advert from the ACLU calling out the president elect and warning that if he try's to enact much of his rhetoric, they're gonna be waiting in the law courts.

ACLU twitter here...

Of course he has chosen rather less than liberal law makers for his new government, but that's really just what one would expect. Over here in the UK Brexit was assumed in some quarters to be a done deal with merely a signature and a rubber stamp required to seal its activation via article 50. However the rule of law and the weight of legal proceedings and precedent came to bear, and thus parliament must now debate the issue. 

Ironically therefore it is "the system" that may yet scupper the march of the right wing agenda, and other less savoury opinions of the human race, into a place of prominence and influence. It's been said that with a Trump America we now more than ever need a Corbyn UK. Or to put it another way, some left wing international politics to buffer the right wing leanings from across the pond. Balance. This would be a good thing perhaps?

Can we hope the media would be an ally in this effort for balance? offering a voice of reason and calm? objective discussion and observation? Here's something that popped up 

See the full video and a write up in the Independent 

Many people took issue with the lower third strap line as inappropriate. However I'd suggest it was wholly in keeping to highlight just how wildly idiotic some of these alt right types are. There's the argument that to give them air time gives them oxygen, for an example from history,  just look at the UK government's years of banning audio from interviews of Shinn Fien leader Jerry Adams. But theres also the simple fact that these hate groups breed on ignorance. Shining the bright light of mass media onto their idiocy and highlighting it as such, as the news anchor did, is the only way the these unsavoury ideas can be brought out into the light of comment decency to shrivel and die upon the alter of reasonable discussion.

The world of entertainment is arguably more influential than the news and main media outlets. We all follow people on twitter etc and thus there are some in that industy who are taking it upon themselves to register opinion on this argument. 

See Liams twitter here ....

World leaders too, they all had some very thinly coded messages for the present elect and those who would seek to roll back the clock to a more oppressive era. However France does have its own national backlash happening at the present. something I'm sure the EU is rightly worried about. 

I don't want to be a naysayer here, but its fairly obvious to see that should France eventually be under the rule of a nationalist government, whilst America pulls its horns in become somewhat isolationist as simultaneously the UK leaves the EU, then foreign policy depts across the globe have their work cut out. It could even be the end of the EU as we have known it for quite some years to come.

However its fair to say that there are other voices at work within these countries, organisations, media and entertainment. "The trump" was fond of using the slogan "drain the swamp". For my part I'd say we now need to "keep the conversation alive" about and with those who dwell at the lower regions of that and other swamps. To not do so is to court disaster, thereby allowing this pond life the status of underdog - and as we all know everyone loves an underdog. That is of course, until it bites. 

I started this "stubbornlyoptimistic" blog title more for personal reasons than anything else. Having lost my job, status, direction, income, influence and motivation, I merely felt it would be nice to have some vehicle for arranging my thoughts. Sharing with the world should it care to glance in my direction, the views of one person amongst many, one blade of grass in a vast field. It serves as a reminder that I will not give in to personal despair. However the more I look at current events and present day changes, the more I realise that an over all stubbornly optimistic approach is needed now more than ever. 

WE need to be that field of grass. One blade can accomplish little but a whole field can support an entire eco system. Every field will have weeds, but that's no reason to cultivate them. We do however need to expose them, "weed them out" and ultimately educate ourselves to produce a better yield from the boundless possibility our human race has to offer. 

So, for now lets keep making our feelings known. Show these "alt right" types that no, they ultimately don't have anything like a valid argument, and above all remain #stubbornlyoptimistic that in the end calmer, saner minds will prevail. 

".......there are other forces at work in this world besides the will of evil, and that is an encouraging thought...." 

Gandalf the Grey. 

On armistice day of all days. ....Sorry America

Ok.

So that happened.

It's taken me two whole days to form the thoughts needed to write this....Sorry America we've dropped the ball.

We now have the type of person chosen as president elect of the American nation that, frankly, were he not born into privilege, opportunity and wealth would be recognised for what he is. Namely a cretinous, misogynistic, self indulgent and narcissistic arse swipe of a human being.

We are familiar with politicians being flawed individuals. That is old hat. But this guy got elected on the strength of bragging about it. Let that sink in for a second. Thousands of ordinary people voted for a person, knowing that he wilfully and gleefully has broken - and will again break - the most basic rules of civilised behaviour.

There's a court case pending of the alleged rape of a then 13yr old girl, now grown. Multiple accounts of inappropriate and frankly disgusting comments towards women. The violent rape of his ex wife.... and other more business related stuff... Just. Digest that. For a moment.

13. Years. Old. Thats not just rape that is fucking near peadophylia for pity's sake!!!!

Now. laying aside the asinine policies of the individual in question for a second, just ask yourself how did we, the human race, get to a point so devoid of the common sense of logic and morality that someone of that character type could get within 100 yrs of the Whitehouse lawn, let alone, with all this as a known quantity, be given the keys to the Oval Office?

Apathy. thats how. The vast majority simply refused to believe it would actually happen, and did not treat the growing threat with the measure of concern it warranted. I count myself amongst that number. It wasn't until the night before that the truth dawned, and I knew he was gonna get in to power.

History will judge his election on many points. His right wing views, his policies and the undoing of all that progressive thinkers have attempted over the last two terms. 8 yrs of work.. gone .. in a single blow struck by the skillful manipulation of the disenfranchised and under informed,  even wilfully ignorant masses.

But that's like arguing which way the horse went after it bolted out the stable, without considering who left the door unbolted to begin with.

Humanity lost the fight long ago, when this creature was deemed worthy of even the merest thought of public office. Our standards have risen to new depths as we mine the rich vein of political capital that can be had from the thirst for change. Not real change of course. Perceived change. Mere shadows and dust, smoke and mirrors. The ever changing bright lights of big telly screens spouting the latest version of the truth that people want to hear. Facebook feeds become tuned to be a mirror of our tastes, reflecting back to ourselves that which we want to see. Government news agencies that cherry pick story after story, edit them and muddy the perception of truth ... and lets not mention the newspaper editors...I mean really?

What's really sad is the vast majority just don't care. As long as big brother, strictly come dancing and the NFL super bowl keep airing on prime time its all just fine and dandy.

Work, home, eat sleep repeat. live in the bubble of self sufficiency .. or at least the perception of it.

America has made a stupid decision, and one based on fear, misinformation and bigotry of that there is no doubt. Perhaps it is true to say Clinton would have been worse, as her husband wasn't great. But that's also a symptom of the issue here isn't it? Women get judged by those who'd vote for a bigot like trump. They get judged in part on their husbands actions & not their own. Wake the fuck up middle America, 1950 called and wants your theology back so they can update it.

Of course the whole issue is much more complex than simple sexism but you get the point. Voting is something of an impassioned activity. You have to care enough to put in the effort to vote. People on the ends of the political spectrum are often the ones that care most, will espouse their views the loudest and thus will be the first to the polls. Therefore if those of us who are more moderate don't bother....... well ultimately.... you get a "Trump like" bad smell in the Whitehouse.

But the story didn't begin with trump. Turkey has seen university lecturers - the educated and educators of society - arrested for disagreement with the government of the day.

Othering of European peoples in their own countries because they look different, or sound vaguely "foreign"... thats happening too and is a symptom of the very wave of opinion that trump has ridden to his current elevated position.

Many decry the likening of these event and systems to pre war Europe as fanciful talk. Safe in the knowledge that the world has "moved on', and that ww2 could "never happen again were all too smart for that"

Well Surprise wankers! look what y'all just did. The oh shit moment was written on many faces. Much like post Brexit. People actually said afterwards, "oh I didn't think it would cause us to leave.... well bugger me what did you think you were voting for?

So there we have it. The smell of America's big trump is gonna pervade it's noxious way around the globe. I only hope we can hold our breath collectively for the 4 yrs. its gonna take to flush the toilet. Cleaning and redecorating the bathroom however,  will take considerably longer.

The guy who's going out of office puts it rather well. He defines the central premise of #stubbornlyoptimistic in his speech on learning of the new president elect.

President Obama's speech, like those of a number of other world leaders on hearing the news, contained messages of unity, of respect. Themes of togetherness and co operation. All things woefully absent in the new president elect and his view of the world as it pertains to him. (I doubt he has a wider view, as I said, too much of a narcissist) 

So, when the dust settles from whatever is to befall us as species from this point onward. I have a proposal. Maybe if we wish to expect the best policies from our elected representatives and leaders, we should ask of them the basic principles of a decent human being first. If we wish to keep thinking people in office, and mitigate the dafter fringes of our species from causing harm, we need to care enough to vote.

Sure disagree on semantics like marriage rights, healthcare or what colour to paint a bathroom door. But healthy disagreement breeds reasonble discussion, discussion leads to decision and action. For this to work one has to assume both parties to be rational decent human beings with a certain respect for others and themselves. ...something this trump is very much isn't. Nor are some of those who support him.

And after whatever we said couldn't happen again is finished, don't leave the shouting and discussion to others. The reasonable human mind often baulks at confrontation. But if we do so collectively the less reasonable take our place. Those people are quicker to shout, to confront, blame and accuse. They are less adverse to breaking laws that shouldn't be broken so will happily break those that should be. (seeing no distinction between) and once the mob is sated and the rabble gone...what then ? 

Would we have made a difference? 

who knows... but by then it'll be too late and a new generation, our sons and daughters, and their kids, will have to pay the price for our collective apathy, lack of wisdom and sheer human stupidity. This world is a beautiful place. I pray this latest and gravest form of humanities' many and varied pollutions doesn't destroy it along with us. 

Today is the 11th of November. A day which those who have been in uniform having perhaps seen the very ugly realities and awful choices of warfare often spend in quite reflection. Oddly and somewhat paradoxically few soldiers who've seen it first hand actualy want war. 

As one who very much shares that view, I look towards America,  observing the things that have been allowed to happen, bringing them as a country to this very point in history.

I'm worried. Are you? 

Grown ups being children being grown ups being children.

Hey internet. Hows it going?

I am in a thoughtful and introspective mood today as I sit here a little after three in the afternoon. A wet somewhat dull Northeastern November day broods outside the windows, still deciding between whether to actually rain or just sulk in a misty kinda foreboding vibe.

Last night I was at our regular D&D game. Some readers may know I've recently gotten into the Dungeons and Dragons 5e games, playing as a result of joining long time friends who played, one of whom is the dungeon master.

For those of you not familiar with the game it basically boils down to each person having a written character on sheets of paper with a number of abilities, and as a group of people we meet the challenges set by the dungeon master, rolling dice and moving through a fantasy world very much like the one Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee inhabit in Tolkien's Lord of the rings.

Now Role playing in a group is funny, as you may have a character with very different traits to you yourself.. loud/quiet/reserved/brash etc etc...so as you can imagine it makes for some funny and amusing interactions, and thus over all creates a communal story telling experience. Escapism if you will.

However. Social interaction between players can often begin to mirror the social interaction in game between characters, or vice verse. And so it was last night. In a nutshell my character was annoyed with another for doing something stupid and putting the whole party needlessly in harms way....(think Gandalf and Peregrine Took in the mines of moria....you'll get the idea...)

Fool of a took

The reaction of the other party to this event was not great, as the impending retaliation reaction was, to put it mildly, as stupidly self serving as their original action that caused the original incident. If you will it became a "pretend dick waving contest" and thus ensued a brief group wide argument though mercifully settled quickly by our party's senior character member and defacto leader.

So... It set me thinking. (what doesn't?) A bunch of grown adults are sat round playing fantasy games, "pretend" stuff. That then gets imbued with real world rules like "thought" "action 'and "emotion" With "consequence" as a result. Very matrix ish in that you then by virtue of the character having been created by real people, some of whom are very highly invested in their characters survival, get a blurring of real person verse character reactions. 

Add in a Human tendency to create character traits in game that we would like in ourselves, strength honour, bravery whatever, and you get a situation where in some cases the characters can do stuff that the real person would like to but can't. Be empathic for example, or stand down a bully, lead or challenge, all this sort of stuff. 

So much is made of the D&D role play and improvisation being a good thing for learning social skills, creating a team ethos and developing a critical thinking mindset. However in this case its been, through no fault of the game, a detrimental influence. 

In real life I am shy of many forms confrontation, always have been. I have been subjected to corporate bullying and a number of unpleasant real world scenarios. (yeah weird huh? a 6 foot former Military type & Former bloke being bullied pre and post social transition.. well yes that happened) It took quite a lot for me to allow the small piece of plastic on the table to act out exactly what I thought she might do. As a person I'm usually the peace maker of sorts. The huge wave of negativity as a result has not only ensured for the time being that the small plastic model doesn't use quite as many of its imaginary abilities in such a group friendly way, but it also dented my real world confidence, since it would appear I miss judged the other player, leading me to second guess my participation and enjoyment levels within the current game. 

Sure it's "just" bits of plastic on a table, its "Just" numbers on a paper But it's also hours of imagination, and pouring through books to find obscure rules. That little bit of plastic and those dice roles begin to mean quite a lot. But isn't that the point? after all if they didn't we wouldn't play would we? Just watch this video from critical role episode 62. At 2hrs:42mins where Laura Bailey playing Vex'halia gets quite irate about her broom...a flying broom that doesn't even exist! Soooo pent up in fact that her real life hubby Travis (bearded large chap top right) looks really really worried he's on the couch again... (apparently when he almost killed her imaginary bear that happened too...) 

So in an effort to try and bring my inane ramblings to a coherent point. We are all in some way the product of our characters, and them of us. The games we play and the things we "pretend" often bleed into our perceived reality.

For the philosophical mindset, where all creation takes place in the mind first before anything physical even gets done, one could say some of those characters are as real as any other that we watch on the big screen. Frodo and Sam, Luke Skywalker, Micheal knight, Luke an Bo, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Merlin, or even Tyrian Lannister. Thinking about them and being invested in their story makes it so. 

So whatever you're playing, watching or doing, be it "real" or "imaginary" Remember the cardinal rule. 

"Don't be a Dick" 

You'll just piss off the DM, and thats reeeeeaally bad....

#Stubbornlyoptimistic  

It doesn't take much...

Hello again!

Every once in a while you get an idea. You know the sort that pops into your head and wont leave you alone until you deal with it? So it is with this blog entry. Yesterday I received some pretty good news on the progress of a project that had been frustrated for almost a year and has finally gotten to a  point it needs to be so it can progress.

24 months this process has taken and in the contemplation of that today whilst I plan "the next move", (see what I did there?) It occurred to me that I wouldn't be here were it not for the efforts and belief of a whole host of others that have helped me along the way...

Sure, belief in ones self comes from a place within, however if one continues to act on that belief even when its really really stretched, then others see it. They begin to believe in you, and with that, well, results will start to occur that you could not possibly achieve by strength of solitary resolve alone.

Just one more reason to stay #stubbornlyoptimistic even when things look pretty challenging.

I lost my belief in others, after they took my ability to believe in myself, and pretty much broke it. Oddly, by virtue of regaining that belief In my own potential, the process has become a stepping stone to regaining belief in others around me.

So, believe in yourself, trust in your potential, act on your dreams and the good in people will seek you out.


oh, and don't forget to put your clocks back!

Sarah!

Sometimes it ain't gotta be clever to be smart...

Hey Internet.

I'm ok. Two simple words. Currently theres quite a bit happening in the box marked "change" for me.  Some positive, some more of a challenge, and some pretty negative, with a few of each requiring some creative thinking to gain perspective and productive internal narrative.

I'm three stone heavier than I was 12 weeks ago...damn you lethargy and habitual eating/ease of fridge access.

I'm getting a few leads together for a variety of interesting projects I have simmering on the back burner..

Learning stuff is going well with College....opening possible avenues of progression.

The billionaire lifestyle still eludes me.

But thus far at the end of each day when I shut the front door and sit down with cuppa in front of the current fave you tube show .. or in this case twitch stream content ..#criticalrole ... (check it out D&D peeps!) ... I can say at least for the moment in question that "I'm ok" and that is quite the encouraging thought...

As I make my way through each day I've come to realise more and more that my own mental comfort and to perhaps coin a phrase "philosophical armour" comes from within me. At its core is a belief. Which is as all beliefs are, borne of a thought which has been given authority in my own mind, subconscious or otherwise.

What is that belief? Hard to pin down into one word or phrase thats what. The best analogy would be a calm still blue ocean pool after the past winds of a mental and emotional hurricane.

It is simply an idea that has taken root, in the fertile soil of an enquiring psyche, sprouting into a young tree, with branches of hope, perseverance and will.  In time it may blossom into a mature tree of achievement, success blowing through its branches like a far off Narnian wind. 

The belief comes from the thought that even when current circumstances would lead me to a very pragmatic view of daily priorities, I still dare to dream, focusing on the good and the positive thus acting on and planing for the day I achieve those dreams. 

As long as you can still do that as you shut the door each day after doing what needs to be done, enduring whatever slings and arrows are hurled at you for whatever purpose or reason, then you too will be "ok" ... for now. And thats all the time we ever have, so thats ok then. 

Keep it #stubbornlyoptimistic and every once in a while just pause & remember it's where you're going not where you are that defines your purpose and direction. You may not have reached the top step yet, but be grateful you're halfway, those legs of yours done good thus far. You're ok.

I believe that I can. So can you.  

Sarah 

x

Wealthy? Can't buy happiness, so what is "money" after all?

Hi all.

It's Saturday afternoon, a little after 4pm. A cold October weekend's sunshine streaming in through my windows, which are streaked with office cat's paw prints as I sit at the desk and ponder over stuff.  My mug of freshly made coffee is gently steaming on the desktop as I type.

I'm pretty much middle aged. Given the average "3 score and ten" my Dad used to frequently reference as a life span, its fair to say I'm more or less half way through my particular path of life. I am once more out of work, as in paid employment,  after 20months at local bike shop ended with that familiar taste of disappointment and broken albeit false promises one often gets at such times.

I read on the web of Brexit, of a potential 5, 10 or even 20%drop in living standards, whilst watching the politicians ride the wave of public opinion be it informed or no. Propelling society onward. I look at my bank balance. Its not all that healthy and at this point a bag of crisps is very much a major financial decision, going over a tenth of my total available.

In a little over 9 days my rent is due. Another £400. A few days after that I have my Daughter to stay for a week in the holidays. There is genuine concern here for direction, decision and destination as to where all these circumstances may ultimately lead.

But I sit and write this to you on an iMac. Dual screened, 4 years old but still pretty nifty. I have a fridge full of stuff and even though my clothes recently came from a charity shop haul I actually have clothes... I own a number of bikes, a vehicle, and, as of this moment now, this instant have a comfortable life. No one is bombing me, or shooting at me. No one is invading my space except at my own invitation.

It lead me to a question. But firstly to a memory. Years ago I read a book. It was a Tom Clancy novel. Executive orders. Its a big thick political intrigue plot, and features a cyber attack on the stock market, hitting all the back ups of the days trading so that when everything goes off, the hero, Jack Ryan, has to figure this stuff out in a short space of time since the business of business has ground to a halt. The solution was very very clever, and yet simple and profound. (If you want to know what it was go read the book I implore you.. ) but its underlaying principle stayed with me...

The money system, be it dollar, euro, pound or dinars, is based in psychology. The accepted wisdom and view of collective wealth. A £5 note in GBP has no physical value. It's paper. Its pretty much useless except as a token to pass on to another who believes in its value. If you have one take it out and read it. Printed on it are the words " I promise to pay the bearer the sum of" so in that sense a fiver is promise note, an IOU, and nothing more. That it, a physical object is ascribed value far beyond its practical physical worth is an act of collective belief. No more, no less.

Consider a billionaire. He has a mansion and on Monday is worth 20 Billion dollars, in property, business etc. On Tuesday he wakes to find that due to a political change his 20 billion dollars is now suddenly worth 20% less at 16 billion, because of overseas trading etc etc.. However nothing else has changed physically, as he has exactly the same infrastructure he did on Monday, but suddenly he has seemingly "lost" more wealth that many acquire in a single life time.

So. This collective act of belief in a banking system leads us all to chase that which has no value, save that we can acquire that which HAS value through the disposal of that which does not, simply by swapping a fiver for a bag of apples and and something to drink for example.

However, paradoxically, the less we have of that which has no intrinsic value the more it acquires that value since we have to choose what we acquire with it, thus we become aware of what we can't have and thus start to thirst for more of that which has no value until we acquire enough of it whereupon we reach a point at which it almost becomes valueless once more because we have so much of it we can have anything of real value that we wish. .. (ala the billionaire)

Head hurting yet?

So pondering this I asked a question. What is wealth? what are riches? How does one define as a wealthy person. I looked at the car park a few days ago in tescos in my local town, the first ten cars were worth well in excess of 150 thousand GBP combined, yet none were "ultra wealthy" cars. I doubt their owners would call themselves rich. But if one pauses and looks at what we need verses what we have, all those people are rich beyond the wildest dreams of others. In some places simply walking into a room, flicking a little plastic button on the wall and having light burst forth is a wondrous thing. From a certain POV that is billionaire level.

I may not have many fivers at present, but I have other things. Access to knowledge. The ability to learn. Awareness of self. Resources and freedom of movement, and broadly speaking freedom from threats to my person so I can go about my daily living unhindered save for the.shortage of IOU's in my pockets. Pockets kindly made available to me through the local charity shops.

There are undoubted uncertainties ahead for me and some may be difficult, even unpleasant, but I finish my cup of coffee and smile as the sun sets over the Derwent valley darkening my room so that I'll soon have to put some lights on...probably candles since thats cheaper, warmer and waaaaay more atmospheric...

I have lived periods where the IOU's in my bank were stacking up nicely, and thousands passed through my hands on a monthly basis, but at the time I always wanted more. Feeling behind the curve, never quite there, always playing catch up....all the while missing the knowledge that the very thing that I was chasing was right there in my hands. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't regret at recollection of my foolhardiness, frustration at having been on "team have", whilst all the while labouring under a "have not" culture. never the less the lesson that followed was very much needed, for it brought me to this point in time and for that I am grateful.

I would submit that true wealth is knowing your worth, and having the awareness to know when you are wealthy, with the humility to be thankful for it. That is worth more than the largest pay check in the land.

keep safe, be #stubbornlyoptimistic and don't let life, or any else, get you down.

The Metaphorical billionaire.

Welcome to the wistful wanderings of one simple soul through that most wondrous of things, the waking mind.

Hello!

Welcome to the wistful wanderings of one simple soul through that most wondrous of things, the waking mind.

Perhaps somewhat strangely for an author of a positivity and awareness blog I have been been persistently down of late. Life having a few, err we shall call them, "challenges" and.... "questions", the answers to which I am currently still in search of.

Pondering over my freshly brewed cup of tea, it brought me to this thought.

"Where does positive mindset start?" Where is the beginning of the end of negativity?

Who knows? Plainly not I,  for I as much as anyone still endure all the trappings of negativity.

Self doubt? yup.
Indecision? yup.
Fear? hell yeah.
Immobility of purpose? Oh baby, thats present and correct in spades...
Shame? ...yeah..but we never  mention that shit
Blame?....weeelllll? ...
Self destruct mode...damn you better believe it...

Bingo..there we have it ladies and gentle persons of all self defined races and classes of Human, Teifling, Orc or Elven kind. Be you Ranger or Rogue, Monk or Martial class, before we can access positivity one must address blame...or to give it another, less controversial name...responsibility for the self. (If you dunno what half of those things are are look up Dungeons and Dragons 5th editions...epic RPG game.. highly recommended)

We all make screw ups. some big, some small. Over the course of a life they will be many and varied. Blame, accusation and the guilt it brings forth are all traits that in many ways are self destructive. Even though to err is human and is one of the very things that defines us as a "self aware" species.

Responsibility for the self, and acceptance, embracing consequence and change all pretty much add up to the same thing, but the framework of emotion that these words are set within is very, very different.

Spend too much time in the contemplation of first set of words/emotions and one courts the possibility of going down a route of self recrimination, and dislike. Since one accepts one has arrived at this point in life through ones own actions and interactions with the world at large, one must also accept that those mistakes and miss steps, if avoided, could have led us to a very different place at this point in that same life. If you're in a period of difficulty as a result of those actions and mistakes, that then makes it a very very bitter pill to swallow. Add in a sprinkle of loss (be it privilege, wealth or persons) and eh voila a potion of self recrimination and loathing fit for any one of a self deprecating or even mildly modest mindset( and very probably an 8D10+10 at that)

“All men make mistakes, but a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong, and repairs the evil. The only crime is pride.” 
― Sophocles, Antigone

However reframing all that into a mindset of "shit that went south, ok I buggered that up...whats my next move" is the key point here. You either get stuck in the potion of self loathing, or decide to accept you screwed up big time, take it as an "unplanned learning experience" and file it under the chapter heading "not doing that shit again" In your as yet unwritten autobiography. 

"What's my next move?" predisposes the one asking the question to believe there is a next move, to assume there is a direction and a possible progression even if its not necessarily along pre planned lines. 

“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” 
― J.K. Rowling

So where does negativity end? It probably doesn't. So where does Positivity start? Wherever you choose it to do so, and then decide in which direction it may suggest you go.

Its a well known principle of business. look up any successful entrepreneur or business owner. There will be failed businesses in that persons past, without question. They succeed through always, always, always asking .."whats my next move?" because they always believe there is one.

“Failure is only the opportunity more intelligently to begin again.” 
― Henry Ford

Until the next Adventure...stay #stubbornlyoptimistic

That Trans thing Part 2...The physical and psychological

Hello, and welcome to a Sunny Saturday morning in the North east of England. A few doors down the lawns are being cut, and the sky is a clear blue with no clouds, the recent major thunder and lightning storm having cleared the air somewhat.

I'm sat at my desk a little like a modern day Bilbo Baggins, wondering where to begin then the idea struck me....So with apologies  to J.R.R Tolkien ..

"Concerning Trans...."

Today I thought I'd revisit a subject I wrote about last week, that of me being a Trans gendered person, what that all kinda means and where it all fits, or doesn't, in the wider picture of the big bad world.

For those that missed the first bit...you can find it Here

All caught up? Ok.. so admittedly it was a loooong lunch...(days would be a stretch even for a Politician) So onto the next aspects of what it is to "Be Trans" in my view, which is of course open to as much question, analysis and disagreement as is anyone's on the planet.

So we've covered some of the terminology and the sociological challenges of trans, but what of the physical, psychological and legal stuff? I'm going to look at the first two of these together as to try and separate one from the other in terms of their explanations is potentially confusing.


Physical/Psychological

Every human has a physical presence. Our bodies are our own, we walk this earth with them and inside them and generally pay them little heed save the usual things of "does this hurt, or do i need food" on a daily basis. "Activities of daily living" if you will.

But what "are" bodies? we humans like to believe through multiple methods of expression we call spirituality or religion that we are more than the sum of our parts. Is this the case? Or are we simply that of which we are made?

The physicality of our being could be described as something akin to a vehicle. It's that which carries the "soul" "essence" or "chi" ..our life force inside it and thus allows us to move around the world. Our essence is not however indefinitely tied to our physical being, since when we die the body physically remains... (unless you're lucky enough to be Yoda and live until you're 900....) however the essence  of "the person" has left.

So what are we?

This of course is an almost unanswerable question. Almost. We are self aware beings. That is, we have a concept of self, and with it imagination. learning, memory.  I quite like the concept that Dr Wayne Dyer used in one of  his lectures.

"Human beings are not physical beings having a spiritual experience. Rather they're spiritual beings having a human experience" 

Now, a belief in God, a specific religion or even an intelligent power of creation is not absolutely necessary for this to make some level of sense. As I've mentioned we all die. the body remains yet our essence doesn't. Therefore what makes us "live" and what defines "life" cannot be wholly physical.

Or is it?

"Ok Sarah.. so what on earth has this got to do with Trans stuff....??"

Fair enough. Trans theory, as it is broadly understood today has a few underpinning concepts. (Note I'm not going to go into the morality of each as that would be a bit wordy and an off topic 'mission creep" If you guys are interested in some thoughts on that let me know i'll do a piece on it later..??)

Gender and sex are not the same thing.
Gender can be thought of as a sociological construct.
Gender presentation as a societal construct is inherently fluid, and does not imbue "trans" on a person. (i.e its not about the clothes)
Physicality/anatomy can explain some elements of the trans phenomenon.
Biology of sex and chromosomal mapping of "gender" as a result is as yet not fully understood. (we thought we had it down but perhaps not, as it's bound by years of sociological or cultural baggage), there being more than the XY or XX sex genome.

What we actually have underneath all this "concept stuff" is a cause/effect argument. Similar in its eternal presence to the nature/nurture argument.

Trans people "feel" different to Cis people specifically in regards to their "gender". The questions therefore are "why?" and what is "feeling" anyways?

As to why, some may say: "Because they're nuts..  if you're walking round in a body that has male anatomy then you're a male"

Are we? or are we just walking round in that body? We were all once walking round in a 2yr old body...then 3,4 12, 16 ...22..80, 90...all of which are different. An old woman was once a young girl. Same spirit walking round in different bodies. "Ageing"as a concept and agent of change is well established in society, and is not questioned.

Scientifically we know a little about developmental changes in the womb, the complex and ever changing hormonal and biochemical soup that is the creation of another human being has incalculable levels of complexity. The randomness of these gives rise to many things. Twins for example. Some are identical, resulting from the separation of one fertilisation process into two developing embryo. Some are not, which in mixed race couples can give rise to a double implantation pregnancy resulting in two babies of different skin colour to the same parents. Some babies have black hair some blue eyes, some even have one eye a different colour to the other. Some result in "downs syndrome", or maybe lack of something like a limb, or eyes or differences in the internal organs, Dextrocardia for example where the heart and in some cases all internal organs are on the opposite side to what is more commonly seen.

Notice I have not said that any of these are "abnormal" or "defects". To do so would infer a preference on each outcome. Society does that. It ascribes somewhat arbitrary values to certain in utero changes being desirable or otherwise. Recently a woman in America gave birth to a healthy baby girl. The baby had black skin, a genetically generated trait from her parentage, and was otherwise healthy. A happy occurrence yes? Not so, as this was a IVF baby and the mother was a white middle american woman. She specifically requested from the IVF clinic a white baby. What she got was a perfectly healthy human being and society defined that babies colour as a pathology or "fault" thus abnormal due to the nature of its conception. (Theres a whole heap of other sociological unpicking in this morality tale but lets leave that for another time)

So my point is changes in utero happen. There is no morality in biochemical interaction and the cellular division that occurs. There is only replication, growth and evolution. It just happens.

Now to bring it back to trans stuff. What we know of development in utero regards genetic or anatomical sex is that the most common outcome is a person with one complete set of reproductive organs, of one particular type. Known broadly as male or female anatomy. What we are also now beginning to see are that there are concurrent related (?) developments that aren't so outwardly obvious in terms of the brain's development.

Consider Androgen insensitivity syndrome. Androgen for those that don't know is the method by which it is thought a foetus develops what we know of as a traditional male anatomy.

A brief explanation of AIS

Triggered by the chromosomal genetical material broadly understood at this time to be XY for male, Androgens when released result in the further development of the male anatomy. If the Androgen does not have any effect or is reduced/absent then we get variations from the "complete set of reproductive organs"  and see outcomes such as a person who is entirely visually female in anatomy with internal male testes and XY chromosomes. The salient point is those variations are in themselves variable, with mild AIS being a possible outcome, some people being perceived as male and others not. etc.

(ya might wanna get a cuppa and re read that .. its a bit heavy if  you're not familiar with all the biological stuff.)

Soooo.... consider the brain. The physicality that is most linked to that thing we call our "chi" or "soul" The physical link between "who we are" and "what we are made of"

There's been interesting work done recently that has opened the door to brain anatomy being affected in a similar way along the path of a developing baby

Study on trans brains

Dr Robert Sapolsky gave a few lectures in 2015. Here's a clip ..

The full lectures are available on youtube, and if you want to follow Dr Robert, I heartily recommend a look up. 

So what am I trying to say here? Well in essence theres some scientifically sound evidentiary stuff coming forward that seems to indicate that anatomical development of the body does not always follow a set male/female dichotomy, and that the development of the brain and brain chemistry is subject to this in a similar way to the rest of our physical body. It presents an explanation in the physical sense for "how" trans people come to be here. 

That brings us to the second question....(yeah remember that?..twas a while ago) 

What is "feeling" 

Depression is currently understood to be resulting from chemical imbalance and interactions in the brain chemistry. Similarly with elation, sadness, love, attraction etc. All of which points to us humans being more "animal" than we care to admit on occasion, and subject to the same rules of evolutionary response that we seem as a species to fondly believe we are separated from.

"Feeling" is very different to "thinking" Thinking you are something you're not is cause for alarm and can be rightly treated as a delusional mindset. "feeling" as defined in the terms above and specifically  regarding brain chemistry is entirely different.

We get to choose our thoughts, which with practice, patience and application plus self awareness and strength of mind are great tools as we pass through this world. "Feelings" however are trickier little blighters. How many of you have fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have? Or felt anger/fear/excitement at the "wrong" time? Exactly.

Note I don't say "Belief" either. Belief is a thought borne of a feeling, or an unconscious mindset from years of social conditioning and an information source imbued with a perceived authority. (Just look at how many young kids support the same football team as their parent, or decide they don't like the dentist, black people, gays, exercise or tuna on on the same basis. )

Why do I make the distinction between feeling, belief and thought? Simple. For the longest time I myself refused to entertain the thought that I may be trans. My belief systems didn't allow for that outcome. I do however have an insatiably curious mind and I like to learn, to ask questions and figure stuff out. In doing so I discovered that I deconstructed much of my own arguments and thus had to change my own world view, both internally and externally.  It took a wee while. 41 yrs to date and its still a work in progress but we are getting there. (wherever that is)

So I choose to change my world view in light of the new evidence, scientific, anecdotal, moral and emotional that I was presented with, and I chose to act on these feelings that I'd had for a very long time.

Physical changes are "relatively" simple to access, via endocrinological changes that will then alter my biochemistry, with results both visible and hidden. Psychological changes in mood etc may result, self image will change and to an extent i'll have to relearn how to interact with larger society with a different set of rules. Not those of a woman, since I have different life experience as alluded to in my last blog being a mid life transitonee. No, rather the rules for a trans person.

Those rules are still being figured out. Science may well give us the "how we get here" and go some way to explaining the method of our creation, but gives us little guidance on what we do with that info. What we do about it as a species, as groups, or individuals is down to us, our morals and societal values, thoughts and beliefs.

Thankfully being a self aware species we recognise often that the "chimp" to use  Dr Steve peters analogy, is a bad influence and the "human'  should be in control. Self restraint, sociological boundaries and self preservation serve to keep us all broadly moving in the same direction, that of progress for the good of all. (yeah I know we regularly stuff it  up.. go figure..) Are we at the mercy of our biochemistry or are we spiritual beings experiencing our biochemistry and living through it?

Choice. Thorny one that...

Trans people may not choose their anatomy and resultant physicality that leads them to be trans. But they choose how to deal with it, and in many cases that is irrevocablly linked to how society chooses to perceive both them and their choice of action or inaction. This scene in the matrix spoke to me years ago, therefore I was not surprised in the slightest to learn of Lana Wachowski's transition in recent years. Some people are wed to a system in which trans does not fit. Some people are not. some trans choose to act, some do not. We may be at the mercy of our biochemistry in some ways but choice is rather ironically the best hope we have for societal growth and the very reason its still needs to grow. 

We don't yet have all the answers, and that's perhaps a good thing. Sometimes it's ok to work towards an unseen unpredicted outcome, as our friend Neo did. Looking for the third option. The one it was said "didn't exist".

So are we the sum of our parts? Depends on how you feel and what you choose to believe when you think about it.

until next time, when we look at the legal stuff...

Stay #stubbornlyoptimistic

Sarah...

My friends asked me about this "Trans" thing... Part 1

Hi all.

Those who have read this and my other blog about the world of bikes will probably know I'm a trans person. That is trans gender. I'd probably say trans woman, but I'll come on to that point later.

I was gonna go ride my bike today, after a few hectic and emotive days/weeks..I needed to get out and just do something physical. I still do. However I woke up this morning for the first time in a few days without "worry" being my first emotion of the day.

Nothing substantive has changed and sadly I haven't as yet won the lottery, but the simple thought of "what I choose to do today doesn't really matter", allied with a realisation that many of my internal pressures were/self generated, lead me to make a brew and look out the window instead. I'll ride the bike. But not when i feel I have to, for strava targets, fitness, blah blah blah...but rather when I want to.

So I pondered on stuff,  and remembered a few conversations with friends colleagues and just people in general about the nature of this phenomenon or "thing" known as trans gender.  So I thought I'd write this, just for those who might be interested and or intrigued by discussion of the human condition.

So where do we start? I guess the logical place is to acknowledge that there is a wealth of opinion on this subject.  Some people agree with a concept of "gender identity" some don't, and still others cant agree what that gender identity is, even if they do agree there is one. Some find trans ness distasteful on moral, religious or other grounds. Society hasn't got a grasp of what trans is.

So in light of that, I'd ask the reader to put aside any "moral" or "right and wrong" ideas of the trans concept, and approach the discussion from the view point, not of one who has a conclusion on the subject, but one who wants to learn about people.

Why do I say that? Well because for many years I myself had no knowledge or concept of certain aspects of Trans "stuff". I had distinctly woolly views on the subject and the only moral compass guidance on the issue was "old skool" Thus I reached my early thirties with a limited,somewhat blinkered, perception of the world around me.

I'm not going to attempt to "tell you what to believe" or persuade you that "trans" has all the answers. To do so would assume I know more than others. That in itself is a fallacy and I'm usually wary of such characters, however here is my take on "Trans"

Often when trans pops up in the media it is centred around a person, thus that person, for example Caitlyn Jenner or Laverne Cox, become a celebrity and the focus is on the individual not the trans part.  What often gets lost is the fact that each trans person has a discrete, unique life that, in and of itself, does not define the trans discussion, but merely adds to it.

Trans as a concept has a few key components.

Sociological
Physiological
Psychological
Legal


Sociological. 

This is where we bring in a relatively new "gender" term "Cis". The terms Cis and Trans have been around in Biochemistry for years. They often refer to molecular shapes which are either twisted across an axis or mirror images of each other...

I've had chats with friends where I've mentioned a name, for example "Elizabeth did this or Stuart said that" and the person with whom I'm talking at the time asks the following...

"Is Elizabeth ... you know a "real woman" or is she trans? "

Now some trans people do get quite offended by the term "real woman" But leave that aside and ask "why is this question being asked" Sure we can get all defensive and assume the person asking to be an intolerant and opinionated individual,  but i feel that would miss the point.

The question is being asked because the person to whom I was talking knows I am trans, thus they are aware that others may be and due to society's general construction as regards the gender of humans it's an unconscious requirement to recognise people as either "men" or "women" (Note, I will come on to other definitions later) The term "Cis" gender refers to that group of people who are, to use the above example "real men or real women" i.e they are "not trans"

Note: What I am not saying here is that Cis is real and Trans is not. The terms are merely a means by which discussion can be unambiguously framed so that all parties understand what's being said. Of course there "may" be parties that choose to believe that "Cis" carries more legitimacy than "Trans" but that is not the point here. It is just important to be aware of terminology and clear of its meaning.

It raises an interesting question. Had the person with whom I'm talking not known I was trans would they have asked? Had they assumed I was Cis gender, then would they have assumed the same of the person about whom I was talking?

This gives rise the question of "Passing" or put simply, being of such an appearance that others assume you to be cis gender unless and until you reveal it to be otherwise. Society is a very slow beast. It takes generations to alter its course and change things that to an individual may seem absurdly simple. Slavery for example, the death penalty, votes for women, apartheid.  All are examples of how slow societal change is.

Our western society is based very much on the visual. Over all human culture fits into this more or less visual model,  with minor changes in detail. The presentation of Gender among other traits is, on the whole, a visual, physical entity.  How one presents one's dress, mannerisms, how one sounds all add up to a subconscious recognition on the part of the observer as to what they are observing.  (Outside the field of gender ...it's the reason we all wear smart clothes to a job interview....presentation communicating competence and it is hoped a perception of same by the  interviewer)

Visual/Vocal cues from a trans person are on occasion ambiguous. Yet society obliges the observers to pick a box, "man or woman" and they will do so. Some will do so politely, others not. Some may recognise the same as our internal identifications some will not. Nevertheless they will still be compelled to make some form of recognition.

I was walking around a store many years ago with a cis gendered female, and due to her dress and build the guards mistook her for a chap. Similarly since I started my own transition I have been addressed as "mate/love/sweetheart/chap dependent on the visual signals I am putting out there. For those of  you familiar with the Shannon/weaver communication model, of transmitter and receiver, this ambiguity of presentation and interpretation could be referred to as "noise" or interference much like static on a radio broadcast.

So "passing" represents a clear communication of what some trans people are attempting to transmit to the receiver/observer. Namely an unambiguous gender presentation that matches their internal view. However. Due to physicality some trans people cannot accomplish this.  Others, due to their internal view do not wish to. Thus we come to the societal questions of "validity" and "respect".

Is a middle aged six foot three broad shouldered trans woman who identifies as female any less valid in her identity than her 20 yr old five foot six slender trans woman friend who passes unnoticed by many? Professor Germain Greer has famously said,

"Suddenly deciding at 20, 30, 40 yrs old to lop off your D**K doesn't make you a woman, you are man in a skirt"

We know that the 6ft 3 trans woman is much more likely to encounter hostility.  They stand out, they give off non verbals associated with male gender.They fit the unconscious profile of a "man in a skirt" because of their physicality. Does that mean its ok to treat them differently than their 5ft7 friend who passes as Cis? Probably not.

Germain Greer may have hit on an interesting point. Albeit in a manner that is somewhat controversial. Her statement leads on to two issues.

"why do people transition at 20, 30, 40? "
"what is a woman?"

The first one would appear to be that society deems it unpalatable to transition at all. Thus many individuals wait in fear until they make the choice to act. Often as a huge personal and professional cost. The second is a more nuanced question and deserves a longer answer than I can give here. Suffice to say the definition of "woman" has changed much more than that of "female" over the course of the last two or three generations, very likely as an outcome of changing societal roles.

The "man in a dress" visualisation often applies to those who transition later in life, after having gone through the puberty of their "anatomical" gender. Society then treats these individuals poorly, perhaps due to internalised views on "gender rules", which is a continuing moral question.

However recent societal shift on that moral question, and to some extent a growing perception of "trans" as something other than a perversion/pathology but rather a physiological and/or developmental issue is allowing individuals to transition earlier. To delay the anatomical puberty and commence a pharmacologically driven one that results in earlier development of physical characteristics of their internal gender. The nature of the human body, its biochemistry and developmental stages, plus current surgical technologies, all make this somewhat simpler for those gravitating toward the female, but equally this is true of those going in a masculine direction.

So those young trans people, who undergo hormone and other therapies at a early age will invariable "pass" somewhat better with less "noise" in the unspoken "transmitter receiver" conversation. They will never have  "lived" as the anatomical gender, and thus wont have picked up nefarious concepts like patriarchal viewpoint, male privilege, or been told to be ashamed of their body, had limitation placed on workplace ambitions to due to ideas of a woman's place etc. Ergo none of those arguments can be used against this new group of younger trans individuals to define them as "not real men/women".

 It will be interesting to see how society adapts to this new situation over the next few generations. Since the most criticised group of trans people will slowly diminish, and we may get to a point where being trans is viewed in the same light as other endocrinological treatments such as diabetes.  It does however also lead to a question of "are we medically choosing our gender?" and further muddies the questions "what is a man" and "what is a woman"

However what of those who do not wish to "pass" as their internal view doesn't not fit neatly into either "man/woman? The theoretical basis that gave rise to a concept of neither man/woman is that of viewing gender as separate to sex, and as a continuum, with masculine/feminine at either end.  So therefore its logical to hypothesise that some individuals may not be at either end of this continuum, but rather reside somewhere in the middle. Furthermore their presentation and internal view may fluctuate.  This is perhaps the most interesting and challenging "trans" group from a societal viewpoint. Gender roles are blurred in western culture, on the whole the homemaker verses breadwinner model is outdated. Thus the lines between sociological gender expectations are blurring. Attitudes and clothing change, and one has to wonder are none binary people changing societal structure or  are they more visible because of the societal changes that have gone before. The causality of the next trans question is interesting, but I suspect once more it'll be several generations before we figure that out.

On a practical note, if you may be reading this and one day come across a trans person, be it someone who passes, or not, identifies as man/woman or not. Why not have a chat? Society is the outcome of collective knowledge, tolerance, discussion and the will to learn. The trans population has as much to learn as any other. (of course it does, its still a young one, in societal terms still a teenager and listening to "I'm angry at my parents music" whilst wanting the world to understand it. ) Cis/Trans discussions on a individual level will help shape the society that our next generations live in. So have a brew or a beer, and have a chat. Every little helps..

So where do I sit? Well my educational background is physiology and cellular biology. I have an interest and understanding of genetics. Therefore I don't identify truly as female.. for the simple fact i aint got the equipment for admission to that particular club. However I happily identify as a trans woman, someone who figured out a little late what all this square peg and round hole stuff meant for me. Fortunately the lateness of that realisation brought me a daughter, and some really cool life experiences as a silver lining to the otherwise dark trans cloud. Others won't agree with my thoughts, as I know trans women who absolutely identify as female, which leads us to Nature/Nurture & psychology/physiology and the difference between thought and brain and body. Those questions however are something we can come onto in the next bit.

Wow this blog is getting long!... time for another cuppa and lunch! before we go on to the next bit....

Physiological.

you can find part 2 here

till next time stay #stubbornlyoptimistic

When a song gets stuck in your head....

You ever had  that kinda day when a song just  gets stuck in your head and  it wont shift?

If you're luck it'll be a good tune, and one that youre kinda happy to have humming away in the background.

Well today is just such a day for yours truly, so i thought i'd share....

Now in common with a number of people within a certain age bracket, I'm a fan of  JBJ musically. But also in regards to his "take" on the "positivity mindset thing." Aside form being a bunch of kick ass musicians, the band have each individually taken their creativity and branched out into new areas and new ways of being "success"

"Bon Jovi" is a successful "business" and brand. Thats no accident. Wether you like the music or not, the success cannot be ignored....

I found this a few months back....its worth a listen....

Until next time, live  your dreams, and stay #stubbornlyoptimistic 

Chapter one...Perseverance...

So in our mini series looking at the things that going into a positive mindset, the first on the list is :

"Perseverance"

Whats that then? Well we all know it's the Ability to keep on keeping on. To "do" when doing seems pointless and to work when the rewards seem unfairly sparse. 

But it's much more than that. after all Einstein himself defined insanity as "doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting different results" So persevering in and of itself doesn't necessarily gain you anything. 

Einstein however may have hit on the very heart of the matter. Results. It is the results we wish to achieve that drives the work we do and our perseverance at it. So we must first be absolutely clear what those desired results, or outcomes are. It has been said that those who don't know where they are going are almost certain to arrive...so do you know where you're headed? Do you have a clear direction if not a clear path? 

The end goal need not be in plain sight, after all the future is ever uncertain,  but we need to know what the end goal is and where it is in order to have direction towards it. 

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. 

Henry David Thoreau

Once we have a direction, and our efforts are aligned then one must look at the journey we intend to take, from where we are, towards where we are headed. This is almost never a straight easy path. Acceptance of that is key to developing the mindful perseverance of character to keep on keeping on. It is also incumbent upon us to know exactly where we are currently...not as straight forward emotionally or even commercially as some might think!  The human minds capacity for self deception is limitless! 

“Failure is an opportunity.

If you blame someone else,

there is no end to the blame.

Therefore the Master

fulfils her own obligations

and corrects her own mistakes.

She does what she needs to do

and demands nothing of others.” 

― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

The above passage makes reference to failure as an opportunity. Looking for the silver lining at all times, searching for the lesson, so that we can avoid repeating the same errors. The second and third lines are critical in this process. "blame does not end if you blame someone else." Thus you will be destined to repeat the same patterns endlessly, unless you break the blame cycle and assert ownership of the circumstance in which you find yourself as a direct consequence of the decisions up to that point.

Taking ownership of the circumstances and responsibility for our part in them opens the mind to a conscious, and blameless, change in our actions, such that our route to our end goal is replotted in light of the new information. If you're travelling to Glasgow from London via car, and you find the M1 is blocked, you merely plot a route around the blockage. So it is with failure.  Failure is ALWAYS temporary by nature and only becomes permanent if we choose it to be so by changing or abandoning our goal, letting go of our persistence of effort towards it. 

What perseverance is not however is blindly chasing a course of action doomed to failure, and thus is placed upon us the obligation to learn from the past and be flexible in the reassessment of the goal or objective, and our path towards it. As a consequence, when one fails, and one will, inevitably, do so at points along this path, perseverance must be allied with observations....which is the topic of the next chapter...

Until next  time.. keep it

#stubbornlyoptimistic