Chasing the bend whilst collecting pebbles.

Hi Internet,

So what's occurring the world of Sarah?

Well last week saw me start the first of two years training to be a teacher in the adult education sector.
So that's got my mind busy, and eyes focused on where I plan to go next professionally. It's slow, like all courses when they first start, with a bunch of admin stuff that needs be squared away but once we get going it should be fun.

I'm gonna be teaching .......(drum roll)... Human biology for access to HE. (with a side order of management to mix it up a little)

I've got the syllabus and it sounds cool. I'm looking forward to it, although i'm gonna have to get my head back in a few books so I can tell my Vas deferen's from my Vesicles again, cos its been a while since I delved in quite so formally.

So thaaaat's nice.

The new bike business stuff has started slowly via people who know me and also funnily enough many people cycle into where I'm gonna be studying so .. mebbe that'll help.

You tube and all the philosophical stuff has been a tad neglected as has this blog since "real world shit" kinda had my attention for these past few weeks.

Which brings me to the point of this update.

Tree's, woods and details

Sometimes we humans get lost in the detail of a situation. Constantly looking for meaning instead of letting things be as they are. For someone like me who unceasingly asks "why" that can occasionally take one to places that can get a little weird. It certainly has recently.

Particularly when attempting to understand another persons viewpoint, and why they hold it.

In wheel building there is a term called "chasing the bend" Once you get a wheel true and straight to a certain point where its ridable.. say within 0.1 of a mm, occasionally one can get stuck in the detail of chasing the bend beyond this point. Usually in an attempt to get it "perfect".

The bend really doesn't make any appreciable difference at this stage and were you to take the wheel out the jig and spin it by hand, the naked eye wouldn't even see it.

But... being so focused in on the process, so intent of the detail, one can occasionally pay more attention to things being "right" than whether the wheel will actually do what it needs to do.

So it is with life on occasion. The things we see, the things we wish for and strive to reach can be right there, in front of our nose, but we keep "chasing the bend".

Disease called More.

I watched a few videos from a guy called Wayne Dyer a few years back. Psychology type. A phrase he coined for this is being afflicted by a disease called "more"

Always wanting "more" leads to not appreciating what one has, and that points one's actions towards beleiving what "is" to be "not enough"

I did that alot in my former life. for a variety of reasons, some more valid than others.

On pondering all of that this morning whilst out on Jonny 5 (my trusty T130) I once again recalled the words of Bruce Lee. "water is shapeless, formless, it can crash or it can flow"

Water is a powerful thing, if given enough time. It'll carve great chasms out the earth and wear even the biggest stone to sand.

When under enough pressure it can even cut a wheel's surface to a "perfect" finish. Yet one cannot grasp water. One has to be slow, gentle and controlled to hold water in the palm of ones hand.

So perhaps it's time to stop "chasing the bend" The wheel is already good. Time to learn the patience of water, and the gentleness needed to be able to hold it.

To do otherwise risks destroying what 'is" when it's already more than enough.

Sand and Pebbles

I love the coast. Quiet beaches. I can spend ages sat quietly staring out to sea. Sadly I get massively sea sick so boats and me aint a good mix, but the vastness of that expanse of water is somehow engaging.

Constantly moving. Doing what it does. Shifting creatures, pebbles and sand alike.

My kitchen is full of little piles of interesting water sculpted rocks that my daughter and I have picked up during our visits to coasts and rivers. They look quite arty in a way...

But despite the ever growing collection, the beaches we visit haven't gotten any smaller. I'm sure there are many other kitchens with similar little piles. Piles that in and of themselves are just rocks. But each one holds a memory. Of a smile,  a chuckle, a joke, or even someone falling in the sea and getting far too wet.

It's not collecting the rocks or pebbles that makes these little piles of stone special. It's knowing why we did so.

But some pebbles have to be left on a beach. Sometimes the sea hasn't quite finished molding them. Without them there would be no place for the other pebbles to go, and maybe get found by some little girl doing cartwheels. Or anyone who collects pebbles for that matter.

Which is good. Because it means I can still occasionally visit, sit quietly and stare out at that vast sea.

There is always another wave behind the one that just crashed ashore.

And who knows what it brings with it. Maybe a pebble that wasn't quite ready might wash up twice.

I'll keep my eyes open. 

Staring back outta the mirror....

Hi Internet!

So regular followers of my scribbles with know that "Yours Truly" is a trans gender person. In my case someone assigned male at birth who is making something of a transitional journey towards her own intrinsic gender identity.

Recently a few things have occurred and I've had a few conversations with close friends that have lead me to sit here and type a few words once more on the subject.

Self definition. 

Much has been made of this term in regard to it's context when defining one's own gender identity. However tonight I found my self pondering its wider usage. How does one define oneself? By intent? words? actions? beliefs? looks? It's probably a messy mixture of all the above.

Back in my uniformed days there were 6 core values constantly impressed upon us.

• Selfless commitment
• Courage 
• Discipline
• Integrity
• Loyalty
• Respect for others

More recently I've indulged an interest in the Japanese culture. Bushido, loosely akin to the samurai code, lists 7 virtues.

• Integrity  (Gi)
• Respect  (Rei)
• Heroic Courage  (Yu)
• Honor  (Meiyo)
• Compassion  (Jin)
• Honesty and Sincerity  (Makato)
• Duty and Loyalty  (Chu)

It's not hard to see the similarities in both. However it is interesting to note that Honour and Compassion are absent from the first list.

Honor, or "Meiyo"  and "Jin" for Compassion are interesting. Since one can seek to embody these qualities both outwardly - directed at and projected into the world - but also inwardly, towards oneself.

Gender dysphoria and friends.

Mirrors can be awful things when in the grip of dysphoric feelings and perceptions, or indeed other forms of self doubt, dislike and dissatisfaction. That's when compassion for and of "the self" comes in very handy.

Part of an inscription that I have as my computer screen background reads:

"Through intense training and hard work

 they become quick and strong. they develop a power that must 

be used for good. They have compassion. 

They help their fellow man at every opportunity. 

If an opportunity does not arise they go out of their way to find one. 

"Warriors have only one judge of honour and character, 

and this is themselves. 

Decisions they make and how the decisions are carried out

 is a reflection of whom they truly are"

Underneath which is written...

You cannot hide from yourself. 

When I piled on the weight and sank into a depressive state back in the fall of 2016 I gave up on my honour. I hated being fat. I hated being unable do things. I also hated the damage that I was doing to myself.

So it was when I finally hit a point where I couldn't hide from myself any longer I got back out and ran.. well initially I waddled. then walked, then jogged, then jogged and walked, then shuffled and now... now I am almost running properly. 

I've been "almost running' alot, and have made in roads to getting back out on the bike, so the waistline is improving and the double chins reducing. Plus since I'm training with typically feminine levels of hormonal activity then my physical shape is slowly being honed into something that more closely resembles where my head has been for many many years.

I often quote socrates, so here is one of his:

“No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”

But it took an act of self directed compassion to get me back out. I had to forgive myself for letting all that prior training go, and accept that I was gonna be embarrassingly slow. I had to decide to persevere. Not for the sake of the time i could put in "today" but for the time I would be able to put in 1 month, 2 months or now 3 months later.

Yet Meiyo isn't just about physical stuff. It is the way we approach every task, every thought every interaction with ourselves and our fellow humans. How does one judge oneself?

By the results and consequences of ones actions, words, thoughts and intentions, that's how

Time is wonderful teacher.... 

But how are we to learn consequence? We cannot know what is likely to occur without some experiential knowledge of what has been before, therefore we must learn by our mistakes, and grow from them.

There are alot of mistakes staring back at me from that mirror. A lot of failure that resides behind those eyeballs. And yet, as I consider Jin and Meiyo, one must have the "Yu" to willingly risk such failure, for to not do so is to live a half life.

The paradox here is that the potential for one's greatest success therefore resides within our past failures. Without them we cannot grow, learn or have any knowledge of consequence, and thus true self definition

So.. If you find yourself staring in the mirror and being drawn to the things you don't like, the memories you don't enjoy, or those thoughts you find painful. Practice a little self compassion, be gentle, and allow the time needed to discover how to learn from those past experiences.

Eventually you'll see that all those things you currently dislike were perhaps your greatest asset in building the person you are yet to become. It may not be a physical activity or weight issue. It might be educational, work related, or simply that you just don't like where you are in life, or how you arrived at this point. Wondering "what if I had done this or that differently"

Ultimately you are where you are in life. right here, right now. That is an effect, some of the causes of which stare outta that mirror. If some are mistakes, then Lucky you, look how much there is to learn from!

As a result you better believe you absolutely can define your own path from this point on.

So... where to now?

xSarahx

Boldly going where this blog hasn't gone before...

Hi all.

I haven't posted in a while cos I've been busy on the other blog and Cycle business website, plus sorting out the millions of jobs that randomly appear in a new workshop.

This post is gonna be quite short too.

It's just to let readers of these "stubbornly optimistic" blogs that there is now an accompanying Facebook group which you can find:

at this link 

I know some of you probably don't find these writing via Facebook, so I thought it would be handy to add in that platform.

I'll be posting in there stuff i find on the net, a few short comments and shorter reflections on life, cos lets face some of these blogs have gotten massively looooong over the years "chuckles"

Also i have decided to make use of my long dormant tumblr account so you can find the stubbornly optimistic tumblr pages

at this other link 

So thats it really. Theres gonna be a dedicated you tube channel soon since i am migrating much of the  "just Sarah" stuff across to a fresh channel with a new look to it and wider content planned for the coming winter.

Until then stay happy, smile lots and remember ... sometimes all ya gotta do is decide which box to tick...

Press pause to reboot

So

It is a sunny Thursday afternoon in the shire a little before 2:30.  There is literally not a cloud in the sky, and the sun is streaming though the windows of my hobbit hole as a gentle breeze stirs the hedges in the garden.

Some days it pays to be still. To watch the wind and listen to the grass. There are many things I could do, and I'm sure many more that I perhaps should.

But for now they can all wait.

I've become very aware that the space I inhabit is increasingly virtual these days, be that online or just in the furtherest reaches of my own head. My world has shrunk almost beyond measure from it's previous expansive proportions. Although since the mind is essentially limitless the irony of that paradox is not entirely lost on me.

All the inherent leisure like distractions in modern life err towards artificiality, whether that be via games, films, videos, or other online stuff, the one common thread is that they all promote a situation wherein one removes one's self from the reality of the present and projects into, or onto something else.

But on occasion I don't feel entirely inclined to that escapism: sure, we all feel the benefits from time to time and who doesn't like watching a well worn story or "blowing shit up" every now and then. Years back when Sony brought out the playstation (The first time) and gran tourisimo was orginally released, I clocked up a staggering amount of hours on that console, and completed all the tracks, the 100 lap races, all of it. I probably (still) know the laguna seca track as well and anyone who has "actually" been there.

However none of that time on the playstation actually achieved anything. So it is perhaps with the online and virtual worlds of today. A whole heap of data, just sitting, waiting to be discovered under that blinking cursor, or search button. But does any of it actually achieve anything?

No.

Any achievement comes from what is done with any given data, and the actions that result.  Of course if one mis interprets that data those actions may well be .... questionable, which is why we humans sometimes get it wrong.

But thats ok. Getting things wrong is just a stepping stone to getting them right.

But every now and then the system needs a reboot, a pause, and time to listen to the wind whilst watching the grass.

So today I feel like spending some time "with me" as it were. In the present, being present. Here. Now.

As for the rest...

Trump: The end of an area, and the dangers of "peace in our time".

Hi

So, The last 7 days has seen the "unthinkable". Genuine, openly National Socialist and white supremacist marches on the streets of America.

It has left a young woman dead. Heather Heyer. One of 20 people hit by a person who thought it wise to drive a car into a group of protestors because he felt his rights were threatened. Heather was 32, and exercising her own right to protest. That decision cost her far too much.

read the article here

Over the last 206 days since Donald Trump took office there has a been a insidious creep in the kind of separatist, "blame all our ills on others" talk that the world has seen on a number of occasions throughout human history.

Whether that be a north Korean dictator, LGBT people, blacks, hispanics "immigrants, or whoever else comes to the mind of 45 at the time, it seems there is always someone to point the finger at.

In recent years much of the worlds human right abuses have been in what we like to call the developing world, or places that have vastly different moral codes to our own western "enlightened view"  Yet here we are in 2017, 99 years on from the end of the "great war" & we seem determined to walk a path towards yet more conflict. One that seemingly will originate not in a small unknown country but in the very heart of our own western society.

Those of you who know your history will know it was an assassination, that of the arch duke Franz Ferdinand, that sparked the conflict a century ago. Yet what kept it going over four bloody, grief stricken years were the allegiances and divisions, nationalism and some measure of imperialist doctrine. It is these sentiments that we now see coming to the fore.

Led by a mouthpiece who has an indefinable hold over a large number of people, with an agenda that is only partially exposed to the  harsh light of publicity, the 45th president of the USA is systematically undoing that which - publicly at least - put him there in the first place.

Democracy, freedom and the simple premise that all humans are equal. 

Truthfully at his inaugural speech I had grave concerns over the language used. I wrote about it back then in January . Twice. 

Jumping forward in history - if you'll forgive the  contradiction in terms - to a situation that arose from the ashes of the great war, I am reminded of a speech by the then UK Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain. 1938 "peace in our time...."

The single biggest danger that Trump now represents is not "who he is" but "where" By which I mean he is placed within a tolerant and forgiving "civilised" society that will seek to make reparation and  to "work with" rather than "oppose"

Sadly 1938 showed us that this approach has some flaws. The rise in openly separatist and nazi rhetoric is testament to the influence that trump has. Perhaps in time we may see this as a knee jerk reaction to the 44th present and the fact that along with a myriad other qualification and qualities the man happened to have darker skin than his predecessors. Whatever the  driving force,  this is not an over night problem.

45 is the now visible symptom of a festering sore that has failed to heal in American society. This situation is the manifestation of years of covert under ground malice. Sleeping, waiting for that chance to rise again, when the world just starts to get comfy and thus averts its gaze long enough to allow the infection to spread.

Trump is perhaps a sacrificial lamb. The man himself is too great a buffoon to have any real power willingly vested in him by those who do have an agenda. He has little real skill, save one. He can control or at least incite the mob, as a self publicist and narcissistic showman, and THAT is his greatest asset. and should be our greatest fear.

For once that mob starts to move, and I believe we are seeing the slow gatherings of speed, events will spiral. 45 has been invested with an authority he deserves less than he understands. So when events begin to spin out of  his control as they inevitable will, those who could manage the situation will be left powerless by virtue of the office of the President of the USA being held by someone with none of the required skills. Some might even say that 45 lacks will to calm the coming storm, since it is he who brought it forth.

It could be said that the democratically elected ruler of Germany in 1932/3 was the ruin of both his country and it's reputation for generations thereafter.

Donald Trump may yet prove to have a similar destiny and place in history. One can hope not of course, but if it is to be so, then the question is: how much of the rest of the world will the US take down during its own implosion?

Anglo german relation were important in 1938. In 2017, are the  US/UK relations any less so? The  most powerful nation on our planet is - currently at least - the greatest threat to humanity.

If you're not worried by that, then I suggest you take a closer look.

Sarah

It's been a while. ... life happens whilst you "plan" other things.

Hi online world.

So it has been a while since I sat at my desk with an intention to write my thoughts. So much is going on, personally, professionally, politically that I've felt just little overwhelmed.

Political.

Over the pond in America the trans gender issues continue to be a cause for concern. Seemingly my predictions of a theocratic underlaying doctrine are bearing fruit. The military personnel angle is one that carries some weight with me, since I am an ex military individual, albeit in the UK armed forces - not US.

The manner of my leaving the forces was painful, and left lasting scars born of the of betrayal, resulting in an inability to trust that still plagues me to this day.

Back in 2010 when the ink was barely dry on the new drafting of the equalities act I went from a "successful" individual to a "broken" one in the eyes of the army very very quickly. Their treatment of me as a result was shoddy to say the least, but that story is one I will leave for another time.

Since then, almost a decade has passed. It's been decade of lessons, some harder and more painful than others. It's been a necessary "transition" (see what I did there?) from where I was to where I needed to be.

One can never go back of course, but as T.S Elliot said, "the result of exploration is to arrive where we began and know it for the first time". Coming back home and reconnecting with myself, re discovering that person I was before all the labels, and titles, was a necessary thing, and as a certain Vulcan once said, "what is necessary is never unwise".

I'll write more about the situation in America, and it's insidious knock on effects on the political scene in the UK, with something of a discussion piece in a few days.

So much of the political, what of the other two P's in my list? 

Professionally there been alot of activity which is the main reason I haven't written in here. SnS has a new workshop that's slowly taking shape. It's planned to re launch a smaller revamped bespoke bike service & wheel building consultancy in the fall.

In a few weeks I start my first year of teacher training. In a few months I can apply to return to practice as a nurse. So perhaps some form of closure is approaching that may allow me to heal the wounds of my past and move on to whatever is to come.

My Youtube channels have been similarly neglected, but there are some exciting developments in the wind regarding a couple of podcast ideas.

The workshop build video is still a work in progress and once it's done I'll post a link in here..so you can actually see what I've been up to.

Link as promised!

Allied with the bikes I of course need to bring in some coin whilst doing both teacher training and nursing. That's where the assessor side drop in. So assessing vocational work and fixing bikes whilst doing my two profesional courses and keeping up with CMI stuff should keep me pretty occupied for the coming months.

"The plan" is shaping up nicely. Lets see if it survives first contact with reality. 

And we come to the final P. The personal stuff.

When I write these articles or blogs, it's part update for those who follow me, and part cathartic process for my head. Since I aint Dumbledore and don't have a pensieve, I pour my thoughts onto the page and upload it to the web, to hang there just like a mental map of a moment in life.

The head has been quite full of late. Life threw me a curve ball I wasn't expecting and was not really prepared for. Life does that sometimes, when quite out the blue "your whole wide world in a moment, comes undone"

Whilst I didn't drop the ball per see, I certainly got winded making the catch. Can I run all the way up the field for a touch down? Who knows?

I wasn't ready. I wasn't even on the field. But if one waits until one feels ready, then the opportune moment is often past, and "could have" becomes "should have"

At the point where life surprises you, one has to decide which of two outcomes one wishes to live with. Either the consequences of the action we take, or the regret for the fact we didn't take it, through fear of it being the wrong choice.

So now the consequences are unfolding. So I guess I'll just have to learn to "trust" that things will work out.

Catch ya on the flip side.
Sarah
;-)

Time, & reflection

Hi World.


Well after the week beginning on a dose of positivity, welcome to what is known as the hump of the week. Wednesday.

That's entirely coincidental of course, but this morning I woke up after having had a pretty awesome couple of days, and perhaps oddly I just wasn't feeling the love.

Why so?

It's an old habit from my years as a nurse. Reflection. During quiet times my mind wanders and I look back on significant points in life, whether recent or otherwise, and ask "could I have done that better?"

Invariably when ya get to middle age the answer is more often than not a resounding yes. After all one does not accumulate 42 years worth of experiences without having made some awesomely bad judgement calls. You'll know if you've read my other articles that I'm a fan of the writings of Plato, and the stories of Socrates.

"The unexamined life is not worth living"

The above is a quote allegedly by the latter. The inference being that one must learn from the  examination of ones own life, past present and potential future, in order to live from that point forward in a better manner than one has previously. 

Of course any reflection on any situation is both subjective and somewhat reactive. So it was today. In reflecting on the past 2 months of my life, and some significant ..... events ...... that have lead down some unexpected paths, I am brought once again to the realisation I am something of a walking contradiction. 

My somewhat detached observation of the human species and the philosophical thought process leads me to be a little misanthropic at times. Perhaps that's overly harsh, but its long been said I don't suffer fools gladly..  (I think the first time that was levelled at me as character trait I wasn't even in senior school)

Yet contrast that with the altruistic and caring nature that lead me to train in healthcare, and still to this day drives my wish to help my "fellow man", then one has quite the recipe for some internal conundrums. 

If one was also to sprinkle this odd pairing of character traits with a little burn out, some emotional shut down, social isolation plus just a pinch of vulnerabilities and insecurities - all of which are born of those experiences we are reflecting upon - then it becomes quite the heady brew at times. 

So having unpicked all of that by virtue of spending a few hours on the sofa in a mess of snot bubbles and tears (yes really) whilst staring into the inner reaches of my own head, one ultimately has to ask what now? 

Where is the lesson(s) here? After all each must find their own path, and knowing it and walking it are not the same thing. 

The first lesson would appear to be that the person who "doesn't suffer fools" has come to realise that they are one. Or at least I am as capable of being foolish as anyone else on the planet. Therefore I'm currently not my biggest fan. 

The second lesson is that self examination is not a painless endeavour...truth hurts. It hurts like hell. 

Thirdly, A realisation that I am here. I am around. Despite all my failures, faults, flippancy and faux par's over the years I am still standing. A little wiser and a little battered perhaps, but still stood. Sure I have a record of doing stupid shit, but I also have a record of recovering from it... 

".......and that is an encouraging thought"

                                            Gandalf.

So whilst today is the hump of the week, and I'm obliged to spend some time with my insecurities and fears, Thursday and Friday are approaching, and the sun continues to shine, albeit unseen behind every cloud. The lesson here is that nothing is ever permanent. Failure, like anything else, is only temporary. 

And perhaps also it serves as a reminder that "belief" is the maker of all things, for without it nothing would be viewed as possible, or even probable, and therefore every endeavour deemed pointless at the outset. My own experiences are cause for a belief that faith in myself and my abilities is well founded, since I'm not without success in life. However those same experiences are also cause to beleive that "people" are an unknown quantity at best. 

Yet "no man is an island", or if you like, there's only six degrees of Kevin Bacon. Those "unknown quantities" are the very thing one needs to put oneself in the path of in order to progress through life. 

All of which, ironically brings me back to a point that was the very reason I started these blogs many months back. Sometimes, being "stubbornly optimistic" is all you have left. But also, it's exactly what is needed.  

Just how you go about that though, well that's another matter... 

xSarahx

Sometimes Early is good...

Hey peeps.

This week's been an interesting one, and probably will be something of a pivotal one when I look back on the  story of my life from the vantage point of the nursing home bed in a few years ...

I'm sat here writing at 0730 on a Monday and shortly heading up into Scotland for a medical appointment. I've been awake since 0430, since the big ball in sky woke me up ...

This coming week is gonna see the building of the deck for the new workshop/studio, the teacher training thing is happening in Sept and all in all things just seem to be going in a more or less positive direction.

Sure there are challenges and problems of course, but that's just part of life, which puts me in mind  of the following:

It's funny that I - a serious thinking sort - tend to remember a load of quotes from film's at specific times, yet the films are of course fantasy stories. Then again, what is a story but something someone writes about? Many of these  stories  speak to the human condition.

Your attitude to life writes your story whilst you live it. It does this whether you choose to pay attention or not, and at the end, if you didn't like the plot, well its a bit late at that point innit?

So, you have the  pen, and the day's page is still blank....what ya gonna write?

Laters

xSarahx

5 past tomorrow

5 past. 

It's 5 past tomorrow

or is it already today? 

sat here, writing down 

what I need to say...

5 past the midnight hour, 

 I indulge my head 

in it's wandering ways, 

Navigating oh so carefully, 

that murky, misty maze

5 past late, 

Time to switch off

to dim down glowing screen 

& to park 

the memory 

of all that I've seen. 

It's 5 past tomorrow

in clock hand's slow sweep

I can't help but wonder   

after pondering slumber, 

"Will this day will be Ours?". 

Our's to keep? 

It's 5 past today, 

and its time to get going

face the word and do stuff, 

all the while knowing:

It's 5 past wherever 

and that time is fleeting

so be who you be, 

& do what you do. 

How you spend your time?

well:

That's up to you.

Stream of consciousness....random running nerdy stuff and why it's wise to be silly..

Hey Internet's..

I had a conversation today with a friend who is in a support group online. Actually we both are but that's kinda the point.

It raised an interesting question. "Laughter and having a bit of a giggle" ..  in this case my posting of a link online that I thought was a giggle and that others in the group might like but had nowt to do with trans "stuff"

Here's the link in question.. since it remains as funny as ever if you're a geeky science nerd... and fan of the MCU..

So what you might ask? My friend suggested this was in their view diluting the groups ethos and main focus of being a trans-specific support network. It's not unusual for many "support" groups to do something akin to this in terms of non specific social interactions, things like games nights or similar.

But does it detract from the serious business of the support as it is required.?

In my view as long as theres a healthy balance then no, but its fair to say one does have to keep a balance between core mission and the other stuff. Consider that in many cases I've seen chronic condition sufferers end up defining their life solely by their condition, and thus they let the other stuff, hobbies and interests, things that define them as people slide a bit.

"Support groups", and the medical profession in general are invested in a continued need of their service provision, and its certainly the case that both have on occasion forgotten to address the person and focused on the condition only. Now of course its not a complete analogy with a sales model but you get the idea: supply of people needing help keeps support groups in business, and the wards full of ill people.

But here is where people who suggest that "fun stuff" detracts from the core ethos, and thus harms the  group often get the cause and effect reversed. Support groups exist because the people need them. much like wards. And their primary aim should not be "their existence" but their members recovery. Indeed the medical profession has long recognised that "mental health" is a great factor in recovery of  even specifically physiological procedures  ..  hip replacements and anything  requiring post op physiotherapy is a great example. Attitude and approach are a patient's best weapons in the fight  back to health.

And thus it is with support groups and other things. Individuals will "recover", as per their own journey & thus their use of support may diminish, but someone else will always be in need somewhere because theres a heck of a lot more demand than supply. For every person who may be put off by a non specific activity, there may also be one who likes it and kinda gets that holistic nature of viewing people as whole beings, not just a condition or need to be met. If one takes the thought process too far down a medical analogy route, one gets to a the question of autonomy and because invaluably support groups rely heavily on self referral this is self limiting. People choose whether or not to engage, and the wisdom of that choice is a reflection of their own self awareness.

It's much the same argument as the old "work - life balance" equation... It's an easy mistake to define yourself (or others) by what you/they do, or in this case have or need.... and to forget that you are much much more than the sum of your problems or challenges. It's a mistake I spent years living.

Anyhow..that's my ten pence worth...  For my part I've just gotten my lazy ass back into training after wallowing in my head for far to long over winter. Is that a  "permanent recovery?" who knows?






But just for today.. I'm OK.

Tomorrow? I'll go for a run... and leave the rest to providence.

But I'm sure there will be a few laughs along the way.

So....

Do you belong to your problems, or are they yours to command?

Decide... and make it happen.

laters people

xSarahx

Moving on and moving... up?

Hi world...

It's been a while since I did a more personal blog, rather than a conceptual one, So I thought I'd give  you an update on a few things that have been occurring.

I graduated! I've spent the last year doing a chartered management course at local college, and I passed, so here a pic of me and my mate celebrating.

Next is a teaching qualification.. slated to start sept the 11th. Really looking forward to that, since it'll tie up a few loose ends with the assessing qual that I am still not quite done with, and also be dead interesting.

I'm back running again ... after a really really low winter. Low mood, low energy and just low everything. I would be riding but the bike's are outta commission and I've had to push funds in other directions. It's odd that i've ran more KM's this year than i've ridden. Thats not happened in a while.

Which brings me to my next point. Plans. They say no plan survives first contact with either the enemy or reality, and so it is with my plans for a workshop. They have been delayed, sidelined retracted and re jigged soooo many times its like groundhog day on permanent repeat... that shit gets boring.

No.. Really. It does.

An old teacher of mine said "life happens while you plan other things" and it's stuck with me through life. Yet if you fail to plan you plan to fail. In this case the workshop is FINALLY happening.

Funds were in place, and the thing is ordered... a nice big multi purpose space that once done should see SnS take on a bit more of a proper footing and increase my ability to "make shit happen" I've no pictures yet but I plan to document the whole comedic process here and on You tube so you can all have a chuckle at  my expense.

And finally - the transition stuff.

After a while you tend to forget about the passage of time and just get on with the other stuff in life. yet at my last sit down chat with the specialist Doc he said that i've passed a couple of time line based  miles stones and so am eligible for some legal documentation and also more medical opinion stuff.

Yup, two years since name change and one year on meds. It's like the old adage of overnight success: instant, yet thirty years in the making.

So I'm off up to Scotland next week for that 2nd opinion.. a very kind friend who knows her way round having visited before is doing the driving, so that's kinda cool...

Heck the way things are going I may even end up with a contract soon! now wouldn't that be a thing!

Be the change you want in your life. Be that friend you want to have. Be life, Be love,Be you. 

BE-cause you can.

Reality? #2 Our focus determines our reality....

Hi world,

By now you'll likely have read my breakdown of the "reality concept" from Nigel Warburton's book "Philosophy, the basics"

If not have a peak here... 

So, given I'd been thinking about that stuff a while, a conversation I've had recently popped back into my head, or specifically comment from it. 

"...Ok, so you're a trans woman, but in your previous life you acted like a man and you're (still) interested in bloke stuff..." 

It's a fair point. I like motors, a tuned V8 will make me weaker at the knees than most things in life, (and if its an RB series straight six.. I'm putty in ya hands.. ) I like geeky gamer shit, guitars, loud music, riding bikes, fixing bikes, and messing around with spanners and fire pits. 

But under it all was this issue of gender dysphoria. I'm not a particularly "camp" individual...(although I was once accused of being so, but that's a story for a another day) So where does it all the "bloke shit" fit in? and more to the point where does it all manifest from? 

Cause, effect? 

Well. Growing up I really didn't have much of a handle on gender stuff, however I was a curious kid blessed with some intellect of sorts. "Dad how does that work"  "Mum what does this do?"  "but Miss what does that mean?" were comments often heard from me...I'm sure I drove people nuts. I read lots, lapped up the stories of CS lewis, Timothy Zahn, and more factual historical books on things like the falklands war etc with equal abandon. 

I just got on with the business of being me, and of having an interest in the world around me. The old man was a truck mechanic, so it follows i might pick that up, yet mum's a gardening type and I can't grow anything... 

Perhaps societal expectations and assumptions might play a little here... "Son spends time with Dad in garage" is a well known and well worn outcome of a father son relationship after all. But I wasn't pushed into it. And I remember - indeed I'm often reminded by - my daughter of when she did the same.."daddy what does that bit do?" whilst pointing at the fan in the sports car's engine bay...

For a teenaged girl she probably knows more than the average kid about what happens under the bonnet of a motor... why? because she was curious.. and her Daddy made it cool..and took time to teach her  stuff, just like mine did. Mum often says to me: If I'm interested in a subject it gets 110%...if not.. 0% So it's extremely unlikely that young me was coerced into something as part of any gender profiling kinda deal.

There's evidence out there from the like of Simone de Beauvior about the performative elements of  human gender, which may be at issue here. Yet performative implies perception on the part of the  viewer, thus in the act of "doing" a meaning is ascribed to the doing of an action by the viewer not just the performer. 

Consider that if a natal female had similar or identical interests to me, then they would not be viewed as "a man". More likely they would be viewed as a woman with atypical interests when one looks at  the stereotypical models of gender behaviours. Similarly a natal male into "Girly stuff" 

So the interests and activities argument alone doesn't stack up to disprove, or indeed prove, a trans gender identity, but in this case that wasn't the intention of the original comment. It came from (or at least i think it did) a place of wanting to understand the process of forming identity....

How do we humans form our identities? 

It's been said that "you", your personality and learned behaviours etc are the sum total of the five most influential people in your life. Usually those you spend the most time with. 

Because I was perceived as a boy, I spent most of my time with boys, and my family, who again perceived me as a boy. Girls wouldn't look the side I was on cos boys were yucky, and geeky awkward boys with glasses and zero charisma were just icky... so .. yup .. pretty much a girl free environment. 

There were certain lessons that I learnt from the authority figures in my life at that point that I now no longer believe are true. Yet back then, because they came from a place of perceived authority I took those lessons on board.. believing that they must be right simply because of my faith in where they had come from. 

As we grow, our social circle and sphere of influence increases and we learn stuff, some of which is contradictory to prior information, from other sources. We form our own opinions & beliefs and as a result we become independent, thinking, adult humans beings....yeah scary shit huh? 

Yeah yeah I hear  ya say...but opinion doesn't equal identity...so what is it? 

Well ok, opinion isn't identity, but it sure is part of it. How we think, how we perceive the world and our place in it is a huge deal as far as our self awareness and sense of self goes. Knowledge is the  key to unlocking those mental doors that in some people remain resolutely closed for life. Curiosity is the means by which we turn that key and open ourselves up to a world of unknown behind the door. Fear on the other hand is the one thing that can stay our hand at the point of turning... 

For me, knowledge and context of the jigsaw puzzle pieces that just didn't quite "fit" came during the  first year of nurse training. 

Once I'd lost the fear, or perhaps over came it, or maybe my curiosity was greater than the fear, I'm not sure even to this day, which one occured but once that happened I turned the key. What ultimately came through that door was ironically enough more "knowledge". Knowledge of the possibility and plausibility of something that I had both discounted and left unexamined for decades, based on an erroneous assumption that it wasn't possible. Why not? because of everything that is in the first 7 or so paragraphs of this piece. 

The line in the title of this piece comes from Star Wars: The phantom menace. Qui Gone Jin says to a  young Anakin Skywalker: 

Always remember: your focus determines your reality... 

Now, ok it precedes what many think is the worst line in the franchise, but it speaks of an essential truth. How many times have athletes use creative visualisation? Belief in the possible and a concerted  and defined effort to strive toward that goal. 

Once I knew where I was, and what I had. (gender dysphoria) I had to decide what to do about that knowledge. Where to place my focus and thus my reality. 

As a result my focus moved - in time - from being about outward things, acquisitions and the distractions of life to keep me entertained and busy. I'd spent so many years just putting on film after  film in that cinema of perception that I spoke of in my last blog, that I never noticed the seats, the lights, the screen or the "inside of my head" as it were. 

My focus shifted, for once, onto me. For the  first time i started to pay serious attention to my internal world. And whilst my interests and collection of films on that cinema screen didn't change, and probably won't... I'll be less restricted in the adding of new ones, since I've now changed the reel from 8mm Cinefilm, to an 8k Imax, and can see a damn sight more of "the world" as a result. 

Right I reckon that's enough deep and meaningful stuff for one day... time to put a film on... But which one.... hmmm 

It's all part of the plan... unless you step off the script... 

Till next time.. keep smiling, do what you do and just let life take care of the rest... 

Sarah 

xx

The basics of ... Reality and perception.

Hi.

It's been a while since I managed to get my nose back into Nigel Warburtons book, all about The basics of philosophy. 

I had a spare quiet sunny afternoon (or at least I think I did ) so I made a cuppa, and sat down to go through the next chapter, one I have been looking forward to for some time.

Appearance, Reality and Perception. 

How do we know something is real? How do we know it is not? How do we know what reality IS?
How do we know things? How do we know we know?

I know it's Saturday afternoon, and I'm sat at my desk and typing this article. I also know that if I move my chair will squeak.

I know it's Saturday because I checked the calendar. I know I'm sat here because my brain tells me through all my senses that I'm doing so, and I know that my chair will squeak because  I've experienced it doing so and remember that fact.

Or do I? what I actually have in all three cases are perceptions. How many times have you thought it was Saturday only to realise it wasn't.. and you've looked at the information wrongly? My brain could well be dreaming that I'm sat here.. and thus my perceptions of my activity is skewed. Plus, we all "know" memory isn't infallible...

So is "reality" simply a set of electrical signals, current or historical, interpreted by the brain?

Philosophers frame these arguments under a number of headings.

Common sense realism

In essence the simplest and most often seen "lay persons" interpretation of  perception. Things exist and we see them as they are, as a result of their existence. An objects existence does not depend on its being observed, thus if a tree falls in the woods and no one observes it fall, then the tree both exists and falls.

Representative realism

This is an extension of the common sense position whereby it takes into account the idea that what we "see" is merely a representation of the object, not the object itself. For example a stick in water that appears bent but isn't, or a hot road appearing to shimmer when in fact it isn't moving. This also takes into account differences in the viewers. For example if two people observe a dress, one person may see a blue dress, but the other being colour blind, may not. Thus "blue" isn't a mechanism or quality of the dress, but rather of the mechanism of its perception.

Idealism

This is again an extension of relative realism. Since all we "know" is based on internal representation of the outside world, one cannot prove the existence of the outside world since all proof would be via  the means of our own sense, and thus merely representative. This theory also leads to the idea that physical things only exist when being perceived. So our tree would not only fail to fall if no one were to see it, but would also fail to exist.

Phenomenalism 

John Stuart Mill was a phenomenalist. This is again an extension of the idealism theory, yet it argues that unobserved objects can exist since it is "possible" to observe them. Although it accounts for  the existance of unobserved objects in this way it still postulates that all experiences of our external world is indirect, via internal representations.

Causal realism

This would be one that the scientific amongst you would probably like the most since it takes the view that the purpose of perception is to navigate our external world therefore our external world must exist. (A philosophical argument for "evolution" or the "design argument" perhaps?) Our external environment has certain qualities that over time we as beings have become attuned to recognising and navigating through and around. It does reduce all perception to merely information gathering, but it remains at time of writing the most satisfactory account of perception. It differs from the common sense argument above in that it allows for those errors or shifts in perception and doesn't assume that what is being perceived is actually always "truth" in the same way.

Head hurting yet? or do you just think it is? 

So, what we really have here is a chicken and egg scenario. Every one of us can only perceive our external environment through our senses. They are the means by which we determine the world around us, and we can never view the world but through them. (Think of it as akin to being locked in a cinema, with the screen and speakers the only window the outside world)

Do we know what we don't know yet? 

Hundreds of years ago, due to lack of astrological knowledge, people would perhaps take things at "face value" The moon for instance, getting bigger through the seasons or when near the horizon, would probably be believed to actually "be" bigger, since there was no knowledge base to refute that argument and people could see that it certainly "looked bigger"

Here we have the paradox. It is only through what we "know" that we can question the "unknown". We now "know" about the moon, its orbit and the reasons why it appears larger or smaller. We "know" it doesn't actually change its physical size. But that knowledge has been acquired through the use of human senses and thus is open to interpretation. With that comes the realisation that those interpretations may be inaccurate.

If you've ever seen the film inception, you'll get the idea of a dream within a dream, or perhaps the matrix where humans are all living in a VR world of computer generation. Those might be extreme version of the hypothesis that everything we perceive might not actually be as it is. But they are perfect illustrations of that concept.

Of course if you'll indulge me in a little conjecture here in stretching things beyond the bounds of pure theory,  if one brings in another human quality - "emotion"- things can change once more. Why? well much like the colour blind example above it has more to do with the observer than the observed. How we perceive things is one question, how we interpret that perception is another, but they are of course linked

It's why certain songs will raise a smile or a tear, and certain words mean many many different things to different people. 

The songs don't change, but our perceptions of them and the meaning ascribed to them does. So, since everything we observe changes us, does that mean we can never observe the same thing twice in exactly the same way? Since we are never the same having observed it the first time?

Yeah, sure you're welcome, that conundrumn might keep ya awake at night.. assuming you're actually not already asleep that is..

But the point of that segway into emotion is to highlight that were there only a screen and the outside world "not real", then one would be heading toward solipsism, or a view that only one's own mind exists and is real. In which case why do we have emotion? Emotion exists to enable us to interact with others, ergo it's an evolutionary mechanism the existence of which proves the existence of others.

Any how verbose verbiage and vexatious vagaries of language aside, that's it in a nutshell. Reality is something we only ever perceive and thus we cannot be sure it is reality at all since the scientific method would be to observe it via two independent routes, which of course we cannot do.

What we can do however is to observe two or three variation of phenomena to prove or disprove theories around reality and our world at large.

But that I'll leave for the next chapter in Nigel's book, which happily enough is all about Science...

Sweet dreams!

Sarah

Back in the training Zone...

Hey,

Those that follow my other bloggings will know I'm into bike riding, a bit of running and am what people might call a lapsed fitness nut with middle aged spread.

For a variety of reasons I didn't train from Sept last year through till the beginnings of last week, save from a brief running spell at the start of this year.

This period of idleness resulted in significant weight gain, but also coincided with some developments regarding my medical transition...

So here's a subjective view from the inside of my head of what its like to train "with" and "with out" testosterone...

Training, tenacity and Other T's 

Ok, so throughout my first 40 odd years wherever I got into the physical training habit my biochemistry was that of the "typical" male. Testosterone as I'm sure you're all aware does a number of things, and is responsible for both bone density, & muscle mass, as well as the reproductive stuff.

Roughly 12 weeks ago I started on a inhibitor that essentially prevents my body from producing testosterone and recent blood tests indicate that my circulating T levels are equivalent to that of a natal female. (i.e. not a lot and considerably less than a male) This is in conjunction with a graduated introduction of Oestrogen, which has been on going almost a year, since to leave the body with neither of these hormones would be a "bad" thing..

Oddly, I've always experienced ups and downs in my motivation to train, simply because I like to be  fit and healthy but in the past I've always reached a point where my body image and physicality didn't match up..Dysphoria wreaking havoc with the results of the training and motivation dropping to zero. Thus throughout my life training has always been an episodic activity.

This means I know what its like to train having "gained weight", and been "fitter" in the past, I know how my body "usually" responds, fatigue levels etc

So what of now?

Well first off the main thing I'm noticing is a distinctly higher level of exertion for lower output. Notable changes being "light headedness" on resting at a level of work that previously wouldn't elicit this response. Perhaps this is a result of a reduction in testosterone and therefore its influence on the mechanisms of red blood cell production, and thus my bodies ability to carry oxygen to my tissues.

Of course we can't be sure without scientific testing, and this is purely subjective, but it's interesting none the less.

Out right power on the bike isn't really different yet.. that won't be noticeable until I retain my former levels of form and fitness. A peak power average for me was 220Watts, which aint exactly pro TdF level's but I'm currently sitting in 160 ranges which is on par with previous efforts at this fitness level.

Recovery: This is an odd one. I'm doing quite alot quite quickly. From being very sedentary to running every other day and one bike ride a week. I'm definitely tired, but "more" tired? Hard to say.

However here's where "motivation" raises its head. For the first time in my life the changes I'm seeing in the mirror and the "effects" of the training are not playing against my motivation but rather adding to it.

I'm no longer fighting ageing, or my own biochemistry.. and it's kinda cool. It means that I can just get on with the business of being healthy, and enjoy the runs without worrying about the times...which btw I used to do religiously.. (old army habit) or feeling that i'm not fast enough, or doing sufficient to stay slim enough blah blah blah.

Obviously this is all subjective and pretty much an initial thoughts kinda deal.. I've no definitives here, just idea's, musing and wonderings. Body positivity is a whole subject in and of itself. When I started riding bikes and running in my teen's & 20's it wasn't for anything other than "because it was fun" and because I liked the endorphin buzz. I ran because I liked it. I cycled because I liked it.

Then of course some stupid bugger decided it was a good idea to join HM forces and "fitness" became "work" with all those connotations.

It does go to show however that dysphoria and the resultant complications of living with it, can have  far reaching consequences into other areas of life that one might otherwise not expect.

As that "baggage" diminishes I am beginning to feel free-er than I ever have in years, un encumbered by the weight of this "disruptive mismatch"

Now, I i'm just "doing" stuff..

And that surely, can only be good thing.

Sarah

Disappointment, Loss and when Protections become Prisons.

Hi,

It's been an interesting few days. The usuals ups and downs of life, plus some unusual ones.

A friend came around the other day who works in law enforcement and they, like myself have an interest in some of the ethical conundrums of life, and how we go about defining the legalities of it.
We had great catch up and natter about all sorts of stuff and have arranged to get some bike time in soon.. we have a shared history job wise and its nice sometimes to just take in that camaraderie.

Thankfully after an extended winter hibernation I've managed to pull my head out my arse and do some physical training. which is partly the result of something I alluded to in my last blog entry.

Belief.

My friend reminded me that many people have a belief in me, although sometimes I have a hard time seeing it and sharing in it.

I write a lot about trans stuff. After all its my lived reality so I tend to experience it and thus know a fair bit about some of it. However much of the discourse, difficulty & dilemma from that bleeds over into other things & other areas of life too.

Trans people often face rejections, abuse, recriminations, judgment, etc etc.. you've heard it all before I'm sure. But not just trans people. Anyone can experience much the same for various reasons, the results of which is that they develop coping mechanisms, just like trans people. Withdrawal, suspicion, distance and public fronts, or walls. We obviously do this as a self protection to prevent further harm, be it emotional or otherwise. Some of these coping mechanisms are healthy in moderation, and some particularly if left unchecked are not.

Withdrawal was exactly what I did when I lost my job back in Sept.. it took a random occurrence to shake me from that winter reverie and kick start what is usually a much earlier process of getting out on the bike. Somewhere during that time I'd lost the belief that there was any worth in attempting to change my predicament for the better, since it appeared most major decisions in that regard were not under my direct control.

If others have faced abuse, rejection, accusation and recriminations then I suspect many will do likewise. However you spend too long withdrawn behind those walls at your own peril. The solitude becomes like a warm fuzzy comfort blanket, and a safety net all wrapped into one. It's a low risk environment, and thus feels safe.

But as anyone in business will tell you:

Low risk is low growth and if you're not growing you're effectively going backwards. 

We reach a point where those walls and barriers no longer protect us, they imprison us. They prevent us from being free to be all we can be and to give all we can give.

Like any prison, an escape requires both the will to try and the effort to succeed. The beginnings of that will reside in the belief that escape is possible, and therefore that an attempt is worth the effort.

For now it would seem with the help of others I've escaped my own self imposed prison.

Perhaps in time others will do similar, and if so, I'll be around. 

Victims? Aren't we all... Believe it if you wish.

Hi world...

This might turn into rant of sorts, as I've currently got a mixture of feelings, & emotions happening and the resultant cacophony of mental noise is raising to quite the crescendo...

Firstly ..

Life has been both cruel and kind to me. I have succeeded, had the toys, had the fun, the agency the money the "Kudos" etc...

Then it all went away.....

When you have little or nothing you're left with what matters. You.

Oddly, at this point the very thing that one needs to believe in is so often also the very thing that screwed it up in the first place. yes, you guessed it. YOU...

After a while even the most optimistic of people can get worn down by that. ... and the constant uphill battle to retake lost ground, be it personal, professional or fiscal.

Then If you're lucky something odd happens, usually when you're not looking.

For reasons unknown you realise something. That the world still believes in you. Or rather certain people in it do.

What's that I hear ya saying at the back... ? "Beware external validation, for there be monsters....?" ...yeah sure fair point, but living in a vacuum sucks.... Or should I say existing in one.

Which is kinda my point here.

This morning I found myself looking back briefly at photos of my old Skyline  .. I do it quite often and I've probably bored some of you with pictures/videos of what I used to get up to with motors and my old sports cars...but this was different.

This wasn't cos of the money, the status, (whatever the fuck that is) or anything like that, and I wasn't feeling sad, hard done by etc. If anything I realised I was fucking angry.... but just a little, and if its possible to be angry in a happy way.. then I managed it.

I realised I missed the noise of that engine... I miss the smile it put on my face. The damn thing made the hairs on your neck stand up and the grin was always a mile wide when you dropped a couple of gears and booted it..... (ported head and race pipes. Well y'know.....)

Petrol is still there in my blood... and this morning I realised I want my life back. Not because I was better off. But because it was fun and worth sharing.

So.. lets start with the career...June 2018 bring it on.

And all this because I realised that someone somewhere believes in me....So perhaps I should too.

So for any of you reading this and doubting...

Keep going .... and believe that the Impossible can turn into #I'mPossible. 

xSarahx

Democracy and liberal decency being slowly "hung" out to dry on the rack of history.

Hi .

I didn't write much on here during our recent election campaign since I was busy writing in other places, and filming stuff.

So we have a hung parliament. Great.

Although I did mention my thoughts during the campaign regarding Mrs Mays actions, or rather lack of them. It's odd that she seeemingly did much to wilfully derail her own campaign.

Now given the result.. and her knee jerk readiness to align herself with the DUP, who at best are a morally questionable party and at worst merely government sponsored paramilitary forces, is further cause for alarm.

I dislike conspiracy theories as much as the next person .. twisting facts into theories and being different for nothing more than notoriety. Truth dies just as much there as in fascist propaganda.

And yet...

The parallels between the actions of Trump and May are staggering. Her speech that barely acknowledged her own role in the situation is unbelievable. Neither of these two individuals seem capable of taking responsibility for their actions and error. Narcissistic much?

Two close advisors have been given the boot ... but isn't that just cutting off the wagging tale of the dragon instead of killing it properly? After all there is a whiff of scape coating here.

So. Do we have a situation where britain is now seeing its own "Trump"  That is an egotistically inclined person blind to their own faults who merely wishes to remain in power, driven by some extreme version of "christian" Ideology.

Across the US 45 just "celebrated" LGBT month by addressing a conference of religious evangelical opposed to LGBT rights. In fact from a  ideological POV they are opposed to LBGT existence.

Theresa may aligning herself with the DUP is no less worrisome. Our one hope comes from the fact UK politics is (thankfully) set up vastly different to across the pond. There are those in her own party who oppose this move. Liberal conservatives who will do what is ethical, not politically expedient.

It's easier to remove a PM than a President.

Dragging up the past. 

Some parts of the media berated Jeremy Corbyn for his past role in working "with" the IRA. Some others with whom I speak remember that time and served in it. Draw sharp ethical distinctions between the loyalist and Republican armed efforts.

But if one looks back dispassionately, consider that the ONLY difference between these organsiations was that one parties aims coincided with the government of the day.

Ergo "this action is right and therefore good because those in control say it is so"

Heard that before... "cough" Atheist doctrine "cough"

Why did JC work with these people? Because fundamentally bearing arms to solve disputes is counter productive. Yes one can argue it's morally this or morally that, but in plain logical terms it just doesn't work long term.

These major political shifts of the power base to the right wing ideology and alliances with people & organisations who's viewpoints are examples of a polarised world vision are worrying. Chiefly because many will simply brush them off as "legal and lawful and therefore right" Or in the same vein a necessary evil.

BUT. When power, or it's retention is obtained "at any cost" without recourse to ethics and the reasons for that power to exist in the first instance, we begin to walk a very very dangerous path.

For that reason, although I am pleased to see the conservative have lost out right political power, I am deeply troubled by their reactions to that loss. Mrs Mays reason to sit down with the DUP are far far removed from those of years ago when JC met with members of Sinn Fein and the IRA. About as far from them as its possible to get.

I like many will be watching with bated breath for what happens next, and should there be another election called in short order, another call to action of the UK population, we need to be awake as to what our choices could mean at that time.

Dragging up old political issues, and "who sat down with whom at which table and when", without considering "why" is a sure fire way of repeating the same errors of our past and needing many more tables and chairs in the future.

It's not who we sit down and discuss differences with that matters. 

It's whether we - and our detractors - choose to do so, and why. 

Sarah

Feeling a little tyred, a bit flat and VERY fortunate...

The rain outside is frantically bouncing off the glass blown by a gusty wind.........and the cat has still gone out!

Daft animal.

So what am I sat at the computer poised to write about today?

I've done quite a few deep and meaningful, heartfelt articles of late. Some political, some more academic and still others .. situational.  In between the writing of which I've had three punctures in my van in the space of 15 days.

3 outta 5 tyres (including spare) Unlucky you might say?

Well it depends on how you look at it. I've been to Wales, Harrogate, and Stockton, plus just around more locally and clocked up well over 1500miles in recent weeks.

The first puncture went flat on my drive. A Screw. Oh well. I'll just fit spare. Then I discover the spare had knackered valve.

Got both repaired only to find the spare had a nail in it and thus a slow puncture ..(in an unrepairable place) and hard to see...

Oh well .. slow puncture isn't gonna be massively bad.. ill sort it asap says I. (payday)

A few days later whilst heading south the front drivers tyre tyre goes on the A1. ..8 miles north of Weatherby. So, having limped on the flat along the hard shoulder for about mile, then resigned myself to having to swap the wheel on the roadside because it was coming off the rim,  I'm delving in the back of the van not really wanting to change a tyre on the Motorway but with little option ... when an AA flatbed randomly bed passes, then pulls up asking if we need a lift and kindly drops us at Weatherby.. completely by chance and luck...

Also as luck would have it I change the tyre for the spare, pumped up to 32psi and it holds for the 70 miles home at a steady 55mph... Even with the slow puncture .. then promptly keeps up it's reputation by deflating on the drive over night.

Cue a new tyre and a quick check of the other front wheel to realise that It too is very badly worn and either something is wrong with the wheel(s) offset or the camber and tracking is massively out...

So .. I've had to replace the wheels and the tyres on 3 out of the 5 wheels on the van. but had any of the above happened in a different order.. Things could have been very different, dangerous and/or deadly.

So from a certain POV I'm actually incredibly lucky. Had I not gotten the first puncture I'd have been stuck in Weatherby with no spare, since until then i didn't know it was bust. Had either of my front tyres popped on the way too and from Wales or Harrogate...same deal..

So in this case I'm thankful for that silver lining or guardian angel, or natural 20 roll on evasion. Whatever you call it...

But in future.. i'll be checking the tyres juuuuuust little more  often .. and the spare will live in the warm inside the van, to be on the safe side!

xSarahx

Terrorism: Cause, effect and the clarity of thought.

Is this the dark side of the moon? 

Terrorism. 

The act of instilling fear in a population and/or its leaders to bring about your own ends, be they political or otherwise. The aim is to be as divisive as possible, creating "in fighting" in your target population thus preventing a coherent response, and effective counter action. 

Strategically the perpetrators don't want an effective response mounted against themselves for obvious reasons. So they create straw man arguments and deflect the investigation into their motives  by pledging false allegiance to ideologies other than their own. 

To vilify an entire faith for the actions of its extremists is not only wrong, it is precisely what the perpetrators wish to achieve. 

Extremism begets extremism. Be that dressed up as Muslim, Christian, Jewish or anything else you care to mention. 

Historically being wary and fearful of those who are different to us has lead the human race to labour under the yoke of bias. 

I wonder when are we going to start calling spades what they are and stop using the euphemisms like "manual labour single person digging implement" 

Humans, or if you like "mankind", has ultimately caused this cycle of violence many many times by virtue of his own blindness. 

We will only ever eradicate the effects if we deal with the cause. 

Throwing up more boundaries, and hiding behind walls be they cyber or otherwise will change nothing and save less. It merely perpetuates the "us and them" that began this in the first place. 

Forget euphemisms like left or right wing for a moment. Consider common human decency and integrity. Compassion for ones fellow humans. 

As I have written before "war" can be thought of as the failure of politics. Thus any politician who jumps towards a war footing too readily probably isn't a very good one. 

The US elected a buffoon who believes nothing and cares only about his own self aggrandisement. He is just as much a preening peacock of a man as the tin pot dictators of the African countries who adorn their chest with a rack of medals they never won . 

Except much more powerful, and infinitely less predictable. 

The UK currently is vulnerable. It stands isolated, since its uneasy initiation of divorce from the EU and the unpalatable relations with the peacock leave it with an uncertain future. A future the direction of which we are about to decide in a few short days. These attacks therefore destabilise the process, which in all honesty is probably their point, regardless of who the perpetrators are. They will almost certainly influence the outcome.

So politics at this point isn't about where whatever country you happen to live in ends. It has become something of a global knife edge. Deportation and retaliation will remove the problem. not solve it.  Like the many headed hydra of legend, the beast will return more powerful and dangerous than before. Even Hercules needed help to kill the beast, to cauterise the wounds and prevent regrowth... 

So before getting fearful & angry. Instead of throwing blame and insult and accusation, calling for security measures and yet more protection...bigger walls and more division, we need to THINK!

It is the one thing, the one ability, that right minded people have over perpetrators of these actions.

I hope mankind learns to use that ability, and apply it, before its too late. 

A philosophy of protectionism is a philosophy of war

Ludwig Von Mises

Made you think?..

The Philosophy of war