Sometimes you just don't wanna think all that hard..

Hi,

Today has been a day off.

Ok, I aint exactly got a ton of "work" knocking down my door here, but it has been a genuine day off. A rest: from thinking too hard.

At first I mistook it for apathy, but although I'm fed up with my situation I don't really think this is one of those depressive mood swings that occasionally hang around me.

I just didn't really want to engage in anything more complex than going to get fuel and groceries, and tbh even that was a chore. After which I came home and bought series 3 of star wars rebels on iTunes. Well, as its easter and as the alternative of chocolate eggs make one fat I thought i'd treat myself.

I suspect tomorrow might be much of the same. I've got the parts for Jonny five's seat post coming, philosophy stuff to read from both Nigel Warburton and John Corivino, and probably some trans centric arguments to have all in the coming week. Although I did put in a job application late in the evening. So we will see how long it take for that one to be rejected.

I am aware of growing sense of unease however. I am in danger of becoming a hermit. I fear re gaining that which was taken from me, since then I would once more have something to loose.

It's why job applications look so damned dull, dismal and dire. What I once called success I now view as the bars of a cage, slavishly working away at something so you can afford to do something else when not slaving.

The contradiction in wanting to willingly climb back into the cage, but make sure the door is ajar, or that I at least have a key is not lost on me.

Tbh I find the irony slightly amusing, or I would perhaps, were it not for the consequence of that irony. Which if not dealt with soon may grow more and more problematic.

Belief, persistence and optimism are all wonderful traits. but if one looses faith, then thats much bigger problem.

let us hope that mine is just temporarily misplaced then..,..

Sarah