Created as a spin off of the older Spoken Sprocket Cycling blogs that I've written, Stubbornly Optimistic is all about life, philosophy and positivity in the face of our everyday challenges. The intent is to kindle thought, discussion and exploration of ideas through my own musings and those of yourselves, the readers. Have any feedback? hit the twitter link and let me know!
Welcome to the wistful wanderings of one simple soul through that most wondrous of things, the waking mind.
Perhaps somewhat strangely for an author of a positivity and awareness blog I have been been persistently down of late. Life having a few, err we shall call them, "challenges" and.... "questions", the answers to which I am currently still in search of.
Pondering over my freshly brewed cup of tea, it brought me to this thought.
"Where does positive mindset start?" Where is the beginning of the end of negativity?
Who knows? Plainly not I, for I as much as anyone still endure all the trappings of negativity.
Self doubt? yup.
Indecision? yup.
Fear? hell yeah.
Immobility of purpose? Oh baby, thats present and correct in spades...
Shame? ...yeah..but we never mention that shit
Blame?....weeelllll? ...
Self destruct mode...damn you better believe it...
Bingo..there we have it ladies and gentle persons of all self defined races and classes of Human, Teifling, Orc or Elven kind. Be you Ranger or Rogue, Monk or Martial class, before we can access positivity one must address blame...or to give it another, less controversial name...responsibility for the self. (If you dunno what half of those things are are look up Dungeons and Dragons 5th editions...epic RPG game.. highly recommended)
We all make screw ups. some big, some small. Over the course of a life they will be many and varied. Blame, accusation and the guilt it brings forth are all traits that in many ways are self destructive. Even though to err is human and is one of the very things that defines us as a "self aware" species.
Responsibility for the self, and acceptance, embracing consequence and change all pretty much add up to the same thing, but the framework of emotion that these words are set within is very, very different.
Spend too much time in the contemplation of first set of words/emotions and one courts the possibility of going down a route of self recrimination, and dislike. Since one accepts one has arrived at this point in life through ones own actions and interactions with the world at large, one must also accept that those mistakes and miss steps, if avoided, could have led us to a very different place at this point in that same life. If you're in a period of difficulty as a result of those actions and mistakes, that then makes it a very very bitter pill to swallow. Add in a sprinkle of loss (be it privilege, wealth or persons) and eh voila a potion of self recrimination and loathing fit for any one of a self deprecating or even mildly modest mindset( and very probably an 8D10+10 at that)
“All men make mistakes, but a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong, and repairs the evil. The only crime is pride.” ― Sophocles, Antigone
However reframing all that into a mindset of "shit that went south, ok I buggered that up...whats my next move" is the key point here. You either get stuck in the potion of self loathing, or decide to accept you screwed up big time, take it as an "unplanned learning experience" and file it under the chapter heading "not doing that shit again" In your as yet unwritten autobiography.
"What's my next move?" predisposes the one asking the question to believe there is a next move, to assume there is a direction and a possible progression even if its not necessarily along pre planned lines.
“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” ― J.K. Rowling
So where does negativity end? It probably doesn't. So where does Positivity start? Wherever you choose it to do so, and then decide in which direction it may suggest you go.
Its a well known principle of business. look up any successful entrepreneur or business owner. There will be failed businesses in that persons past, without question. They succeed through always, always, always asking .."whats my next move?" because they always believe there is one.
“Failure is only the opportunity more intelligently to begin again.” ― Henry Ford
Until the next Adventure...stay #stubbornlyoptimistic
Hello, and welcome to a Sunny Saturday morning in the North east of England. A few doors down the lawns are being cut, and the sky is a clear blue with no clouds, the recent major thunder and lightning storm having cleared the air somewhat.
I'm sat at my desk a little like a modern day Bilbo Baggins, wondering where to begin then the idea struck me....So with apologies to J.R.R Tolkien ..
"Concerning Trans...."
Today I thought I'd revisit a subject I wrote about last week, that of me being a Trans gendered person, what that all kinda means and where it all fits, or doesn't, in the wider picture of the big bad world.
For those that missed the first bit...you can find it Here
All caught up? Ok.. so admittedly it was a loooong lunch...(days would be a stretch even for a Politician) So onto the next aspects of what it is to "Be Trans" in my view, which is of course open to as much question, analysis and disagreement as is anyone's on the planet.
So we've covered some of the terminology and the sociological challenges of trans, but what of the physical, psychological and legal stuff? I'm going to look at the first two of these together as to try and separate one from the other in terms of their explanations is potentially confusing.
Physical/Psychological
Every human has a physical presence. Our bodies are our own, we walk this earth with them and inside them and generally pay them little heed save the usual things of "does this hurt, or do i need food" on a daily basis. "Activities of daily living" if you will.
But what "are" bodies? we humans like to believe through multiple methods of expression we call spirituality or religion that we are more than the sum of our parts. Is this the case? Or are we simply that of which we are made?
The physicality of our being could be described as something akin to a vehicle. It's that which carries the "soul" "essence" or "chi" ..our life force inside it and thus allows us to move around the world. Our essence is not however indefinitely tied to our physical being, since when we die the body physically remains... (unless you're lucky enough to be Yoda and live until you're 900....) however the essence of "the person" has left.
So what are we?
This of course is an almost unanswerable question. Almost. We are self aware beings. That is, we have a concept of self, and with it imagination. learning, memory. I quite like the concept that Dr Wayne Dyer used in one of his lectures.
"Human beings are not physical beings having a spiritual experience. Rather they're spiritual beings having a human experience"
Now, a belief in God, a specific religion or even an intelligent power of creation is not absolutely necessary for this to make some level of sense. As I've mentioned we all die. the body remains yet our essence doesn't. Therefore what makes us "live" and what defines "life" cannot be wholly physical.
Or is it?
"Ok Sarah.. so what on earth has this got to do with Trans stuff....??"
Fair enough. Trans theory, as it is broadly understood today has a few underpinning concepts. (Note I'm not going to go into the morality of each as that would be a bit wordy and an off topic 'mission creep" If you guys are interested in some thoughts on that let me know i'll do a piece on it later..??)
Gender and sex are not the same thing.
Gender can be thought of as a sociological construct.
Gender presentation as a societal construct is inherently fluid, and does not imbue "trans" on a person. (i.e its not about the clothes)
Physicality/anatomy can explain some elements of the trans phenomenon.
Biology of sex and chromosomal mapping of "gender" as a result is as yet not fully understood. (we thought we had it down but perhaps not, as it's bound by years of sociological or cultural baggage), there being more than the XY or XX sex genome.
What we actually have underneath all this "concept stuff" is a cause/effect argument. Similar in its eternal presence to the nature/nurture argument.
Trans people "feel" different to Cis people specifically in regards to their "gender". The questions therefore are "why?" and what is "feeling" anyways?
As to why, some may say: "Because they're nuts.. if you're walking round in a body that has male anatomy then you're a male"
Are we? or are we just walking round in that body? We were all once walking round in a 2yr old body...then 3,4 12, 16 ...22..80, 90...all of which are different. An old woman was once a young girl. Same spirit walking round in different bodies. "Ageing"as a concept and agent of change is well established in society, and is not questioned.
Scientifically we know a little about developmental changes in the womb, the complex and ever changing hormonal and biochemical soup that is the creation of another human being has incalculable levels of complexity. The randomness of these gives rise to many things. Twins for example. Some are identical, resulting from the separation of one fertilisation process into two developing embryo. Some are not, which in mixed race couples can give rise to a double implantation pregnancy resulting in two babies of different skin colour to the same parents. Some babies have black hair some blue eyes, some even have one eye a different colour to the other. Some result in "downs syndrome", or maybe lack of something like a limb, or eyes or differences in the internal organs, Dextrocardia for example where the heart and in some cases all internal organs are on the opposite side to what is more commonly seen.
Notice I have not said that any of these are "abnormal" or "defects". To do so would infer a preference on each outcome. Society does that. It ascribes somewhat arbitrary values to certain in utero changes being desirable or otherwise. Recently a woman in America gave birth to a healthy baby girl. The baby had black skin, a genetically generated trait from her parentage, and was otherwise healthy. A happy occurrence yes? Not so, as this was a IVF baby and the mother was a white middle american woman. She specifically requested from the IVF clinic a white baby. What she got was a perfectly healthy human being and society defined that babies colour as a pathology or "fault" thus abnormal due to the nature of its conception. (Theres a whole heap of other sociological unpicking in this morality tale but lets leave that for another time)
So my point is changes in utero happen. There is no morality in biochemical interaction and the cellular division that occurs. There is only replication, growth and evolution. It just happens.
Now to bring it back to trans stuff. What we know of development in utero regards genetic or anatomical sex is that the most common outcome is a person with one complete set of reproductive organs, of one particular type. Known broadly as male or female anatomy. What we are also now beginning to see are that there are concurrent related (?) developments that aren't so outwardly obvious in terms of the brain's development.
Consider Androgen insensitivity syndrome. Androgen for those that don't know is the method by which it is thought a foetus develops what we know of as a traditional male anatomy.
Triggered by the chromosomal genetical material broadly understood at this time to be XY for male, Androgens when released result in the further development of the male anatomy. If the Androgen does not have any effect or is reduced/absent then we get variations from the "complete set of reproductive organs" and see outcomes such as a person who is entirely visually female in anatomy with internal male testes and XY chromosomes. The salient point is those variations are in themselves variable, with mild AIS being a possible outcome, some people being perceived as male and others not. etc.
(ya might wanna get a cuppa and re read that .. its a bit heavy if you're not familiar with all the biological stuff.)
Soooo.... consider the brain. The physicality that is most linked to that thing we call our "chi" or "soul" The physical link between "who we are" and "what we are made of"
There's been interesting work done recently that has opened the door to brain anatomy being affected in a similar way along the path of a developing baby
Dr Robert Sapolsky gave a few lectures in 2015. Here's a clip ..
The full lectures are available on youtube, and if you want to follow Dr Robert, I heartily recommend a look up.
So what am I trying to say here? Well in essence theres some scientifically sound evidentiary stuff coming forward that seems to indicate that anatomical development of the body does not always follow a set male/female dichotomy, and that the development of the brain and brain chemistry is subject to this in a similar way to the rest of our physical body. It presents an explanation in the physical sense for "how" trans people come to be here.
That brings us to the second question....(yeah remember that?..twas a while ago)
What is "feeling"
Depression is currently understood to be resulting from chemical imbalance and interactions in the brain chemistry. Similarly with elation, sadness, love, attraction etc. All of which points to us humans being more "animal" than we care to admit on occasion, and subject to the same rules of evolutionary response that we seem as a species to fondly believe we are separated from.
"Feeling" is very different to "thinking" Thinking you are something you're not is cause for alarm and can be rightly treated as a delusional mindset. "feeling" as defined in the terms above and specifically regarding brain chemistry is entirely different.
We get to choose our thoughts, which with practice, patience and application plus self awareness and strength of mind are great tools as we pass through this world. "Feelings" however are trickier little blighters. How many of you have fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have? Or felt anger/fear/excitement at the "wrong" time? Exactly.
Note I don't say "Belief" either. Belief is a thought borne of a feeling, or an unconscious mindset from years of social conditioning and an information source imbued with a perceived authority. (Just look at how many young kids support the same football team as their parent, or decide they don't like the dentist, black people, gays, exercise or tuna on on the same basis. )
Why do I make the distinction between feeling, belief and thought? Simple. For the longest time I myself refused to entertain the thought that I may be trans. My belief systems didn't allow for that outcome. I do however have an insatiably curious mind and I like to learn, to ask questions and figure stuff out. In doing so I discovered that I deconstructed much of my own arguments and thus had to change my own world view, both internally and externally. It took a wee while. 41 yrs to date and its still a work in progress but we are getting there. (wherever that is)
So I choose to change my world view in light of the new evidence, scientific, anecdotal, moral and emotional that I was presented with, and I chose to act on these feelings that I'd had for a very long time.
Physical changes are "relatively" simple to access, via endocrinological changes that will then alter my biochemistry, with results both visible and hidden. Psychological changes in mood etc may result, self image will change and to an extent i'll have to relearn how to interact with larger society with a different set of rules. Not those of a woman, since I have different life experience as alluded to in my last blog being a mid life transitonee. No, rather the rules for a trans person.
Those rules are still being figured out. Science may well give us the "how we get here" and go some way to explaining the method of our creation, but gives us little guidance on what we do with that info. What we do about it as a species, as groups, or individuals is down to us, our morals and societal values, thoughts and beliefs.
Thankfully being a self aware species we recognise often that the "chimp" to use Dr Steve peters analogy, is a bad influence and the "human' should be in control. Self restraint, sociological boundaries and self preservation serve to keep us all broadly moving in the same direction, that of progress for the good of all. (yeah I know we regularly stuff it up.. go figure..) Are we at the mercy of our biochemistry or are we spiritual beings experiencing our biochemistry and living through it?
Choice. Thorny one that...
Trans people may not choose their anatomy and resultant physicality that leads them to be trans. But they choose how to deal with it, and in many cases that is irrevocablly linked to how society chooses to perceive both them and their choice of action or inaction. This scene in the matrix spoke to me years ago, therefore I was not surprised in the slightest to learn of Lana Wachowski's transition in recent years. Some people are wed to a system in which trans does not fit. Some people are not. some trans choose to act, some do not. We may be at the mercy of our biochemistry in some ways but choice is rather ironically the best hope we have for societal growth and the very reason its still needs to grow.
We don't yet have all the answers, and that's perhaps a good thing. Sometimes it's ok to work towards an unseen unpredicted outcome, as our friend Neo did. Looking for the third option. The one it was said "didn't exist".
So are we the sum of our parts? Depends on how you feel and what you choose to believe when you think about it.
until next time, when we look at the legal stuff...
Those who have read this and my other blog about the world of bikes will probably know I'm a trans person. That is trans gender. I'd probably say trans woman, but I'll come on to that point later.
I was gonna go ride my bike today, after a few hectic and emotive days/weeks..I needed to get out and just do something physical. I still do. However I woke up this morning for the first time in a few days without "worry" being my first emotion of the day.
Nothing substantive has changed and sadly I haven't as yet won the lottery, but the simple thought of "what I choose to do today doesn't really matter", allied with a realisation that many of my internal pressures were/self generated, lead me to make a brew and look out the window instead. I'll ride the bike. But not when i feel I have to, for strava targets, fitness, blah blah blah...but rather when I want to.
So I pondered on stuff, and remembered a few conversations with friends colleagues and just people in general about the nature of this phenomenon or "thing" known as trans gender. So I thought I'd write this, just for those who might be interested and or intrigued by discussion of the human condition.
So where do we start? I guess the logical place is to acknowledge that there is a wealth of opinion on this subject. Some people agree with a concept of "gender identity" some don't, and still others cant agree what that gender identity is, even if they do agree there is one. Some find trans ness distasteful on moral, religious or other grounds. Society hasn't got a grasp of what trans is.
So in light of that, I'd ask the reader to put aside any "moral" or "right and wrong" ideas of the trans concept, and approach the discussion from the view point, not of one who has a conclusion on the subject, but one who wants to learn about people.
Why do I say that? Well because for many years I myself had no knowledge or concept of certain aspects of Trans "stuff". I had distinctly woolly views on the subject and the only moral compass guidance on the issue was "old skool" Thus I reached my early thirties with a limited,somewhat blinkered, perception of the world around me.
I'm not going to attempt to "tell you what to believe" or persuade you that "trans" has all the answers. To do so would assume I know more than others. That in itself is a fallacy and I'm usually wary of such characters, however here is my take on "Trans"
Often when trans pops up in the media it is centred around a person, thus that person, for example Caitlyn Jenner or Laverne Cox, become a celebrity and the focus is on the individual not the trans part. What often gets lost is the fact that each trans person has a discrete, unique life that, in and of itself, does not define the trans discussion, but merely adds to it.
Trans as a concept has a few key components.
Sociological
Physiological
Psychological
Legal
Sociological.
This is where we bring in a relatively new "gender" term "Cis". The terms Cis and Trans have been around in Biochemistry for years. They often refer to molecular shapes which are either twisted across an axis or mirror images of each other...
I've had chats with friends where I've mentioned a name, for example "Elizabeth did this or Stuart said that" and the person with whom I'm talking at the time asks the following...
"Is Elizabeth ... you know a "real woman" or is she trans? "
Now some trans people do get quite offended by the term "real woman" But leave that aside and ask "why is this question being asked" Sure we can get all defensive and assume the person asking to be an intolerant and opinionated individual, but i feel that would miss the point.
The question is being asked because the person to whom I was talking knows I am trans, thus they are aware that others may be and due to society's general construction as regards the gender of humans it's an unconscious requirement to recognise people as either "men" or "women" (Note, I will come on to other definitions later) The term "Cis" gender refers to that group of people who are, to use the above example "real men or real women" i.e they are "not trans"
Note: What I am not saying here is that Cis is real and Trans is not. The terms are merely a means by which discussion can be unambiguously framed so that all parties understand what's being said. Of course there "may" be parties that choose to believe that "Cis" carries more legitimacy than "Trans" but that is not the point here. It is just important to be aware of terminology and clear of its meaning.
It raises an interesting question. Had the person with whom I'm talking not known I was trans would they have asked? Had they assumed I was Cis gender, then would they have assumed the same of the person about whom I was talking?
This gives rise the question of "Passing" or put simply, being of such an appearance that others assume you to be cis gender unless and until you reveal it to be otherwise. Society is a very slow beast. It takes generations to alter its course and change things that to an individual may seem absurdly simple. Slavery for example, the death penalty, votes for women, apartheid. All are examples of how slow societal change is.
Our western society is based very much on the visual. Over all human culture fits into this more or less visual model, with minor changes in detail. The presentation of Gender among other traits is, on the whole, a visual, physical entity. How one presents one's dress, mannerisms, how one sounds all add up to a subconscious recognition on the part of the observer as to what they are observing. (Outside the field of gender ...it's the reason we all wear smart clothes to a job interview....presentation communicating competence and it is hoped a perception of same by the interviewer)
Visual/Vocal cues from a trans person are on occasion ambiguous. Yet society obliges the observers to pick a box, "man or woman" and they will do so. Some will do so politely, others not. Some may recognise the same as our internal identifications some will not. Nevertheless they will still be compelled to make some form of recognition.
I was walking around a store many years ago with a cis gendered female, and due to her dress and build the guards mistook her for a chap. Similarly since I started my own transition I have been addressed as "mate/love/sweetheart/chap dependent on the visual signals I am putting out there. For those of you familiar with the Shannon/weaver communication model, of transmitter and receiver, this ambiguity of presentation and interpretation could be referred to as "noise" or interference much like static on a radio broadcast.
So "passing" represents a clear communication of what some trans people are attempting to transmit to the receiver/observer. Namely an unambiguous gender presentation that matches their internal view. However. Due to physicality some trans people cannot accomplish this. Others, due to their internal view do not wish to. Thus we come to the societal questions of "validity" and "respect".
Is a middle aged six foot three broad shouldered trans woman who identifies as female any less valid in her identity than her 20 yr old five foot six slender trans woman friend who passes unnoticed by many? Professor Germain Greer has famously said,
"Suddenly deciding at 20, 30, 40 yrs old to lop off your D**K doesn't make you a woman, you are man in a skirt"
We know that the 6ft 3 trans woman is much more likely to encounter hostility. They stand out, they give off non verbals associated with male gender.They fit the unconscious profile of a "man in a skirt" because of their physicality. Does that mean its ok to treat them differently than their 5ft7 friend who passes as Cis? Probably not.
Germain Greer may have hit on an interesting point. Albeit in a manner that is somewhat controversial. Her statement leads on to two issues.
"why do people transition at 20, 30, 40? "
"what is a woman?"
The first one would appear to be that society deems it unpalatable to transition at all. Thus many individuals wait in fear until they make the choice to act. Often as a huge personal and professional cost. The second is a more nuanced question and deserves a longer answer than I can give here. Suffice to say the definition of "woman" has changed much more than that of "female" over the course of the last two or three generations, very likely as an outcome of changing societal roles.
The "man in a dress" visualisation often applies to those who transition later in life, after having gone through the puberty of their "anatomical" gender. Society then treats these individuals poorly, perhaps due to internalised views on "gender rules", which is a continuing moral question.
However recent societal shift on that moral question, and to some extent a growing perception of "trans" as something other than a perversion/pathology but rather a physiological and/or developmental issue is allowing individuals to transition earlier. To delay the anatomical puberty and commence a pharmacologically driven one that results in earlier development of physical characteristics of their internal gender. The nature of the human body, its biochemistry and developmental stages, plus current surgical technologies, all make this somewhat simpler for those gravitating toward the female, but equally this is true of those going in a masculine direction.
So those young trans people, who undergo hormone and other therapies at a early age will invariable "pass" somewhat better with less "noise" in the unspoken "transmitter receiver" conversation. They will never have "lived" as the anatomical gender, and thus wont have picked up nefarious concepts like patriarchal viewpoint, male privilege, or been told to be ashamed of their body, had limitation placed on workplace ambitions to due to ideas of a woman's place etc. Ergo none of those arguments can be used against this new group of younger trans individuals to define them as "not real men/women".
It will be interesting to see how society adapts to this new situation over the next few generations. Since the most criticised group of trans people will slowly diminish, and we may get to a point where being trans is viewed in the same light as other endocrinological treatments such as diabetes. It does however also lead to a question of "are we medically choosing our gender?" and further muddies the questions "what is a man" and "what is a woman"
However what of those who do not wish to "pass" as their internal view doesn't not fit neatly into either "man/woman? The theoretical basis that gave rise to a concept of neither man/woman is that of viewing gender as separate to sex, and as a continuum, with masculine/feminine at either end. So therefore its logical to hypothesise that some individuals may not be at either end of this continuum, but rather reside somewhere in the middle. Furthermore their presentation and internal view may fluctuate. This is perhaps the most interesting and challenging "trans" group from a societal viewpoint. Gender roles are blurred in western culture, on the whole the homemaker verses breadwinner model is outdated. Thus the lines between sociological gender expectations are blurring. Attitudes and clothing change, and one has to wonder are none binary people changing societal structure or are they more visible because of the societal changes that have gone before. The causality of the next trans question is interesting, but I suspect once more it'll be several generations before we figure that out.
On a practical note, if you may be reading this and one day come across a trans person, be it someone who passes, or not, identifies as man/woman or not. Why not have a chat? Society is the outcome of collective knowledge, tolerance, discussion and the will to learn. The trans population has as much to learn as any other. (of course it does, its still a young one, in societal terms still a teenager and listening to "I'm angry at my parents music" whilst wanting the world to understand it. ) Cis/Trans discussions on a individual level will help shape the society that our next generations live in. So have a brew or a beer, and have a chat. Every little helps..
So where do I sit? Well my educational background is physiology and cellular biology. I have an interest and understanding of genetics. Therefore I don't identify truly as female.. for the simple fact i aint got the equipment for admission to that particular club. However I happily identify as a trans woman, someone who figured out a little late what all this square peg and round hole stuff meant for me. Fortunately the lateness of that realisation brought me a daughter, and some really cool life experiences as a silver lining to the otherwise dark trans cloud. Others won't agree with my thoughts, as I know trans women who absolutely identify as female, which leads us to Nature/Nurture & psychology/physiology and the difference between thought and brain and body. Those questions however are something we can come onto in the next bit.
Wow this blog is getting long!... time for another cuppa and lunch! before we go on to the next bit....
You ever had that kinda day when a song just gets stuck in your head and it wont shift?
If you're luck it'll be a good tune, and one that youre kinda happy to have humming away in the background.
Well today is just such a day for yours truly, so i thought i'd share....
Now in common with a number of people within a certain age bracket, I'm a fan of JBJ musically. But also in regards to his "take" on the "positivity mindset thing." Aside form being a bunch of kick ass musicians, the band have each individually taken their creativity and branched out into new areas and new ways of being "success"
"Bon Jovi" is a successful "business" and brand. Thats no accident. Wether you like the music or not, the success cannot be ignored....
I found this a few months back....its worth a listen....
Until next time, live your dreams, and stay #stubbornlyoptimistic
So in our mini series looking at the things that going into a positive mindset, the first on the list is :
"Perseverance"
Whats that then? Well we all know it's the Ability to keep on keeping on. To "do" when doing seems pointless and to work when the rewards seem unfairly sparse.
But it's much more than that. after all Einstein himself defined insanity as "doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting different results" So persevering in and of itself doesn't necessarily gain you anything.
Einstein however may have hit on the very heart of the matter. Results. It is the results we wish to achieve that drives the work we do and our perseverance at it. So we must first be absolutely clear what those desired results, or outcomes are. It has been said that those who don't know where they are going are almost certain to arrive...so do you know where you're headed? Do you have a clear direction if not a clear path?
The end goal need not be in plain sight, after all the future is ever uncertain, but we need to know what the end goal is and where it is in order to have direction towards it.
If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
Henry David Thoreau
Once we have a direction, and our efforts are aligned then one must look at the journey we intend to take, from where we are, towards where we are headed. This is almost never a straight easy path. Acceptance of that is key to developing the mindful perseverance of character to keep on keeping on. It is also incumbent upon us to know exactly where we are currently...not as straight forward emotionally or even commercially as some might think! The human minds capacity for self deception is limitless!
The above passage makes reference to failure as an opportunity. Looking for the silver lining at all times, searching for the lesson, so that we can avoid repeating the same errors. The second and third lines are critical in this process. "blame does not end if you blame someone else." Thus you will be destined to repeat the same patterns endlessly, unless you break the blame cycle and assert ownership of the circumstance in which you find yourself as a direct consequence of the decisions up to that point.
Taking ownership of the circumstances and responsibility for our part in them opens the mind to a conscious, and blameless, change in our actions, such that our route to our end goal is replotted in light of the new information. If you're travelling to Glasgow from London via car, and you find the M1 is blocked, you merely plot a route around the blockage. So it is with failure. Failure is ALWAYS temporary by nature and only becomes permanent if we choose it to be so by changing or abandoning our goal, letting go of our persistence of effort towards it.
What perseverance is not however is blindly chasing a course of action doomed to failure, and thus is placed upon us the obligation to learn from the past and be flexible in the reassessment of the goal or objective, and our path towards it. As a consequence, when one fails, and one will, inevitably, do so at points along this path, perseverance must be allied with observations....which is the topic of the next chapter...
Whhoooa haven't been on here in a loooooooong time.
#stubbornlyoptimistic wha's dat den?
It is a place for content and musings of an emotional and thoughtful nature from yours truly. It may at times be random, and has no real set content or subject matter save the one of resolutely not giving in to life's incessant pressure to make people believe they are not "good enough" or don't "have enough" or cant "be enough" etc etc etc...
Its been a busy few months for me, life changes, professional challenges and the obligatory monetary considerations conspiring to keep me away from the bloggers keyboard in favour of the other tasks that commandeer my efforts. I've put in a lot of time on the bike early in the year, I'm in the process of sorting out a long term nagging condition the resolution of which is resulting a more relaxed and chilled version of myself, which is good, and all in all i must say I'm feeling pretty positive.
All except for one tiny detail. I am drawn back time and again to a lecture given by Dr Wayne Dyer many years ago.. (youtube, you have a lot to answer for....) I'n this lecture an analogy used to describe the human spirit goes something like this:
"...you squeeze an orange, what happens? ...Juice comes out....what kind of juice... "orange juice?" .. any chance of lemon or grape fruit? ...does it matter when or where the orange is squeezed? or who squeezes it? ....Nope.. always orange juice..."
Ok .. not too difficult a concept. Now .. heres the question .. WHY?
Some might say because "its an orange" ..... but it wasn't always full of juice.. as a seed it was still an orange seed..but... no juice... (copy-write Michael Macintyre) No the simple answer as to why you get orange juice from an orange when you squeeze is because:
"that's whats inside"
So? I hear you all ask: why is this bothering you and why are you squeezing metaphorical oranges? Well if one squeezes, or applies pressure to a person by means of stress, workload, or other life pressure then the inference is that the person's reaction to that pressure comes from inside much like the orange juice.
And this is the bit that I'm mulling over, heres why I am a little concerned and introspective. Currently even though a lot of good stuff and plans are progressing and in general I'm a happier chilled out person, with Fido (my own emotional black labrador) behaving beautifully in his basket, If I'm squeezed currently what comes outta me is a whole lota anger.
So I've been kinda busy with "why" over the last few days, pondering what it is I'm still angry about after all these years, and in some subconscious kinda hippy dippy way what it is thats causing this rather bitter orange juice to over flow on occasion.
I've been through the mill a bit, but hey to paraphrase the little green dude in a galaxy far far away .."when 42 yrs old you reach look as good you will not hmm?" So all in all I'm genuinely of the opinion that life in the "now" aint all that bad. However ..roll it back a few years and its a different story... Low self esteem, loss of lucrative job and lifestyle, let down by a flawed system and bad management....lost house.. broken relationship(s) ..you get the idea...
I hadn't really figured out the "orange juice conundrum" until today. I read a piece about letting go in relationships. and in it the authors simply summed up the neatness of why I'm subconsciously doing the hugh Jackman wolverine act ...
"Lack of perceived progression along a predefined route to "happiness" ..."
In a relationship one meets, dates, meets parents, moves in ...proposes, wedding, babies, etc etc etc... its all plotted out .. and many relationships fail because one or other partner gets to a point where reality deviates from their subconsciously ingrained model. Now its ok to deviate. however some people are so attached to the model that they slavishly keep looking for it, casting aside anything that doesn't "fit" their internal "successful relationship mapping"
Subconsciously I realised that I was doing the same. not with relationships, but rather with the concept of "successful" and the internal pressure at 42 yrs old to have already achieved it. I was submitting myself to a pressure of always being "late" like the white rabbit in Alice through the looking glass. Much like the rabbit i was consequently emotionally directionless...unfocused and thus making the problem worse. Not having achieved enough, not having enough and not being able to do enough brought about a perceptual frustration..which when squeezed by outside influences caused an angry outburst.
Eureka! by jove she's got it!
...but hold on... how do we fix this? Achieving more isn't gonna help I'm just gonna be further behind? giving up? nah too stubbornly optimistic for that (see what i did there) No the answer is to simple stop framing "success" by old outdated parameters. Stop focusing on whats wrong, or absent or what cannot be done. look instead at what you have, and can accomplish, look for the opportunity in the situation and you're more likely to notice it, or see the means to create it.
More over when squeezed...be mindful of the old mental train tracks down which lazy thought processes run. Walk down a different mental path and see things from a different vantage point.
So to let go of the anger I had to let go of the "expectation" of attaining something as per this "progression map" that seems to have sub consciously gotten into my head. I need to emotionally adapt as well as physically and fiscally to the new circumstances as they are rather than striving to get back to what they "used to be" Sure One day I might once again be at a similar kinda place in terms of resource. but one can never go back...
It's been five years now since my cozy little bubble of unknowing ignorance collapsed inwards and the world revealed itself to be a harsher, some what less certain place than I had fondly imagined. The fact that happened is not cause for anger and recrimination, rather its a learning curve, and one from which I'm still discerning the lessons.
