This might turn into rant of sorts, as I've currently got a mixture of feelings, & emotions happening and the resultant cacophony of mental noise is raising to quite the crescendo...
Firstly ..
Life has been both cruel and kind to me. I have succeeded, had the toys, had the fun, the agency the money the "Kudos" etc...
Then it all went away.....
When you have little or nothing you're left with what matters. You.
Oddly, at this point the very thing that one needs to believe in is so often also the very thing that screwed it up in the first place. yes, you guessed it. YOU...
After a while even the most optimistic of people can get worn down by that. ... and the constant uphill battle to retake lost ground, be it personal, professional or fiscal.
Then If you're lucky something odd happens, usually when you're not looking.
For reasons unknown you realise something. That the world still believes in you. Or rather certain people in it do.
What's that I hear ya saying at the back... ? "Beware external validation, for there be monsters....?" ...yeah sure fair point, but living in a vacuum sucks.... Or should I say existing in one.
Which is kinda my point here.
This morning I found myself looking back briefly at photos of my old Skyline .. I do it quite often and I've probably bored some of you with pictures/videos of what I used to get up to with motors and my old sports cars...but this was different.
This wasn't cos of the money, the status, (whatever the fuck that is) or anything like that, and I wasn't feeling sad, hard done by etc. If anything I realised I was fucking angry.... but just a little, and if its possible to be angry in a happy way.. then I managed it.
I realised I missed the noise of that engine... I miss the smile it put on my face. The damn thing made the hairs on your neck stand up and the grin was always a mile wide when you dropped a couple of gears and booted it..... (ported head and race pipes. Well y'know.....)
Petrol is still there in my blood... and this morning I realised I want my life back. Not because I was better off. But because it was fun and worth sharing.
So.. lets start with the career...June 2018 bring it on.
And all this because I realised that someone somewhere believes in me....So perhaps I should too.
So for any of you reading this and doubting...
Keep going .... and believe that the Impossible can turn into #I'mPossible.
xSarahx
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