So it has been a while since I sat at my desk with an intention to write my thoughts. So much is going on, personally, professionally, politically that I've felt just little overwhelmed.
Political.
Over the pond in America the trans gender issues continue to be a cause for concern. Seemingly my predictions of a theocratic underlaying doctrine are bearing fruit. The military personnel angle is one that carries some weight with me, since I am an ex military individual, albeit in the UK armed forces - not US.
The manner of my leaving the forces was painful, and left lasting scars born of the of betrayal, resulting in an inability to trust that still plagues me to this day.
Back in 2010 when the ink was barely dry on the new drafting of the equalities act I went from a "successful" individual to a "broken" one in the eyes of the army very very quickly. Their treatment of me as a result was shoddy to say the least, but that story is one I will leave for another time.
Since then, almost a decade has passed. It's been decade of lessons, some harder and more painful than others. It's been a necessary "transition" (see what I did there?) from where I was to where I needed to be.
One can never go back of course, but as T.S Elliot said, "the result of exploration is to arrive where we began and know it for the first time". Coming back home and reconnecting with myself, re discovering that person I was before all the labels, and titles, was a necessary thing, and as a certain Vulcan once said, "what is necessary is never unwise".
I'll write more about the situation in America, and it's insidious knock on effects on the political scene in the UK, with something of a discussion piece in a few days.
So much of the political, what of the other two P's in my list?
Professionally there been alot of activity which is the main reason I haven't written in here. SnS has a new workshop that's slowly taking shape. It's planned to re launch a smaller revamped bespoke bike service & wheel building consultancy in the fall.
In a few weeks I start my first year of teacher training. In a few months I can apply to return to practice as a nurse. So perhaps some form of closure is approaching that may allow me to heal the wounds of my past and move on to whatever is to come.
My Youtube channels have been similarly neglected, but there are some exciting developments in the wind regarding a couple of podcast ideas.
The workshop build video is still a work in progress and once it's done I'll post a link in here..so you can actually see what I've been up to.
Link as promised!
Allied with the bikes I of course need to bring in some coin whilst doing both teacher training and nursing. That's where the assessor side drop in. So assessing vocational work and fixing bikes whilst doing my two profesional courses and keeping up with CMI stuff should keep me pretty occupied for the coming months.
"The plan" is shaping up nicely. Lets see if it survives first contact with reality.
And we come to the final P. The personal stuff.
When I write these articles or blogs, it's part update for those who follow me, and part cathartic process for my head. Since I aint Dumbledore and don't have a pensieve, I pour my thoughts onto the page and upload it to the web, to hang there just like a mental map of a moment in life.
The head has been quite full of late. Life threw me a curve ball I wasn't expecting and was not really prepared for. Life does that sometimes, when quite out the blue "your whole wide world in a moment, comes undone"
Whilst I didn't drop the ball per see, I certainly got winded making the catch. Can I run all the way up the field for a touch down? Who knows?
I wasn't ready. I wasn't even on the field. But if one waits until one feels ready, then the opportune moment is often past, and "could have" becomes "should have"
At the point where life surprises you, one has to decide which of two outcomes one wishes to live with. Either the consequences of the action we take, or the regret for the fact we didn't take it, through fear of it being the wrong choice.
So now the consequences are unfolding. So I guess I'll just have to learn to "trust" that things will work out.
Catch ya on the flip side.
Sarah
;-)
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