The meaning of unemployment.

Welcome to a sunny, lazy Sunday...

This morning I rose from my sleep after a late night playing D&D at a friends house. (For those in the know I was the dungeon master and will be for the next game, the third in a series of three)

As I was wandering around doing the usual stuff, washing clothes etc, my mind went back the conversation I'd had with one of my friends in the car whilst dropped him off after the game. I've been out of regular work for some time now, since Sept last year, so almost 6 months. My friend has had similar periods of "unemployment" a few years back and although now very much back on track with his career, we batted back and forth ideas and experience about the best way to write a cv etc, to get noticed amongst the pool of applicants. Given I'm six months in, common sense would suggest mine needs a reshuffle.

This lead to a thought this morning, as I pondered that word.

"Unemployment" 

What does that actually mean? Occasionally I get myself down hearted due to my lack of resources currently and thats - pretty obviously - down to my situation as regards paid work. However, am I actually 'un-employed" ?

If you look up the definition of the word the first hit on google is:

It's the synonyms I find most Interesting. "idle" being one of them. And "Jobless". One could suggest I am neither, since I am writing this blog, (plus others) and spend a number of hours in academically inclined contemplation of philosophical thought & research plus doing my D&D planning. Occasionally I fix the odd bike, advise a friend of mine with a fledging bike business, and just last week I serviced the brakes on Vanessa, my old combo van, currently much battered and much loved . So one could argue I'm neither idle nor jobless. 

Yet given an accusation levelled at me a few days ago, of being a "Pseudo Intellectual" and societies propensity to label people and assign veracity to their arguments based on somewhat arbitrary qualifiers, it's made me think. For example to be seen as legitimately knowing and understanding management principles one must be in a management job, thus I cant help wondering what qualifiers people place on me, an "unemployed, Trans-woman"? and moreover I'm questioning do they apply? 

I would argue that since I'm "employing my time" doing other things I'm certainly not "unemployed" in that sense, yet it's very much true that what I do does not pay me directly, other than perhaps the  link between searching for a (better) paid method of employing my time, and proof of that search being linked to a substance renumeration called benefits. Am I thus then being paid to look for work and therefore am "employed" in that capacity? (which would mean i wouldn't be unemployed and as result couldn't claim the benefit....yeah thats weird? ...) 

Furthermore, unemployed has become shorthand for Idle in the minds of some, a perception of literally "doing nothing" and thus my financial constraints are seen as by choice. Whilst it's true that my choices in life have lead to this point (how could they not have?) I'd not say I would "choose" to remain in this situation were other options presented or discovered. This perception of unemployed = idle then brings in the skewed morality of the deserving and undeserving person. Those who actively seek to better themselves being seen perhaps as deserving of more assistance in doing so and thus achieving that aim. 

All in all it's just a bit of amusing word play. I am reminded of the words of Tom Cruise in "The last Samurai", where he plays a conflicted American soldier struggling with memories of questionable actions. 

"I am beset by the ironies of my life"

Side note, it's one of my favourite characters, and movies. It speaks to the shifting historical context of  morality, remorse, honour and respect for culture, plus the concept of finding personal peace and redemption. The examination of which is sorely needed today. 

Thankfully I haven't chosen the route Nathan Algren, the central character in the film did, initially climbing into a whiskey bottle to escape his memories, but believe me when I say at certain points in my life the option was more than just considered.

Many years ago I walked into a car dealership. It was to collect business cards for a school project. I was 16 ish. The first time I walked in I was summarily dismissed by the sales guy, who saw a scruffy kid. The next time I walked in and happened to be wearing smart clothes. I received much more assistance. Why? 

Perceptions. Same person but a different image, Thus it is with "unemployed" "trans-woman" and "pseudo" intellectual. 

These labels merely define a point, a discrete snapshot of our lives, and cannot ever encompass the whole. Confucius died believing himself a failure since no monarch took up his words, and Socrates was sentenced to death and executed by the very athenians he had sought to educate. Yet after their deaths both men gave rise to institutions that carried their ideas forward for centuries. 

"Failure" for both was but a temporary thing. Their success lay in their "knowledge". Knowledge of humility, humanity and the importance of each, with their employment of these and other traits. There success was not defined by themselves at least, on whether they were paid well because of it. 

Perhaps here then is my mini epiphany. Employ what knowledge you have to your greatest effect, and you shall, in time, see results, regardless of your current situation and other peoples definitions of it. Or, to put it another way, 

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life that he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."

Henry David Thoreau

Until next time keep it #stubbornlyoptimistic

Sarah 

What say you now of Democracy, Wisdom, Truth and Knowledge?

This is very quick, short blog, in the writing of which i find myself quite frankly at a loss for words to adequately express my utter dismay at the drastic turn of events that the world has  seen in less than 2 weeks.

Trump America "officially puts Iran on notice, for  firing a missile, AFTER the TRUMP ADMINISTRATION needlessly closes  its borders  with Iran and  its  main sphere of  influence countries. 

link to the full 44 second video here...

"On notice?"

What does that mean? Telegraph media net had this to say..

The exact meaning of being “on notice” wasn’t defined, but Trump already is on record as being critical of the various promises, payments and commitments made to Iran by both the U.S. and the United Nations as “being weak and ineffective.”

I had a very quick internet search for "on notice" in the same vein that "representation" has a strong diplomatic message when referring to political language. I am sad to say I can find no reference to the term at this time, so i'm going to conclude that this is something of a "Trumpian" truth and very much a knee jerk PR related statement. However, watch this space. 

Its also worth noting that the USA and IRAN are both still bound by treaties, despite what The Trump sputters in outrage into his evening coffee, thus at this stage it is the USA not IRAN that would be in major breach if they start hostilities. 

All in all we've figuratively taken a few steps closer to midnight... and that after 30'seconds just recently... 

see the link here...

...with any other individual incumbent in the Whitehouse this might be seen as unfortunate. With The trump its down right terrifying. America may yet rue the day....

As ever stay vigilant and keep it  #stubbornlyoptimistic

Sarah 

The Trump Card?

Hello Readers.

My last #stubbornlyoptimistic post was entitled the faithful navigator. In it I focused on the personal and professional challenges of one person, Moi, in a sea of ever changing possibilities, problems and persistent prejudices.

Having watched the rather momentous occurrences on the international political stage recently I have to say faithful navigation is something we all very much need at present.

But where to begin? The story starts, perhaps a little strangely in 1937. JRR Tolkien's "The hobbit" was published that year, though it was a more modern adaptation of that story by Peter Jackson that kept me entertained this evening and set me on the path to writing this piece. Specifically, "The battle of the Five Armies" For those not familiar with Tolkien's works, bear with me, the link will become apparent.

So what of real world events? We have over the course of this last 7 days seen the UK Prime Minister continuing her attempts to look for some area of provenance on the world stage, Martin McGuinness has resigned on health grounds leaving the Northern Ireland Stormont assembly somewhat precariously poised. And of course we have seen the Swearing in and Taking Office of now President Donald J Trump of America. Elections are forthcoming soon in continental Europe. France, Germany and Italy all have somewhat nationalistic parties gathering a head of steam in their respective political arena's. All seemingly unconnected, random and disparate events? Maybe.

There are those currently in the media and elsewhere who denigrate former president Obama for doing little on the world stage these last 8 yrs. Forgetting perhaps that a Democrat in the oval office  is often thwarted by Republican control over congress. Others want change from the status Quo here at home in the  UK and hence we now have Brexit with an overall rise in nationalistic rhetoric. Peace can be dull. Yet it was not always so. I am 42 years old. I can remember a time when UK forces did not openly wear uniform on home soil for fear of direct attack. Overall in the western world, since the the Demolition of the Berlin wall 1989 and the good Friday agreement of 1998, US and UK citizens have enjoyed quite the peaceful and benign experience. Continental Europe having had a broadly similar experience, save for a few basque bombings every now and then.

What's my point? My point is that years of broadly Quiet, Peaceful Democracy has bread an unconscious apathy along with discontent at the usual peacetime economic challenges. Politicians are "all the same", voting is "pointless" and "War" is something that happens "elsewhere" to "other countries" or "in the past". We can see live feeds on CNN or Sky/BBC of missiles going into Gaza/Lebanon/Iraq/Kuwait. "But" says the mass population in these western countries, "they are unlikely to drop en mass on to us, we're safe". (not withstanding 9/11, which of course is the major and cataclysmic terror act of our time. My point being it was not an every day occurrence to be bombed or shot at whilst crossing the street) Safe to spend more effort en masse voting on "the voice" than on governmental referendums or similar.

When this "apathy" happens to large enough groups of people  "Me" replaces "Us" in the group think mindset. The thirst for "change" based on "inequality" and the perception of being a "have not" starts to rise. What people vote for, or even if they vote, becomes a function of narrow self interest and nothing more.

President Trump and those behind him saw this. He is in power through a wave of promises to bring about just such a "change" and to gift power and prosperity to those whose perception is that they have none, whether that be fact or otherwise. BUT this administration gained office on a very focused agenda, with virtually no mention of wider foreign policy. The sheer malignant genius of managing to  gain to office by giving literally no details of future international intent is staggering. So in tune were Trumps team with the "me" mindset that they played it flawlessly. So great was the emphasis on the man himself as deplorable human being, - which frankly I doubt anyone of sense would argue - and his business type rhetoric of tough talk that the vacuum of foreign policy information was missed. Missed by an electorate guided by near sighted self interest and/or circumvented by archaic voting practices. That is until now.

The USA has for years been an intermediary in the Middle East between Israel and Palestine. Today the new President has signalled a major shift in foreign policy regarding the area. Israel announced it  was approving the building of new homes in the "occupied territory" a move long opposed by Obama's administration and UN security council resolutions, and there are overtones of the US embassy in Israel being moved to Jerusalem. That this announcement came after a phone call conversation between Trump and Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu is suggestive to say the least.

Seriously? bear with me on this point. Extremists usurping the name of Islam and religion are already doing a great job of the odd terror attack on foreign shores. (like I said above anyone remember 9/11? or the London bus and tube bombings?) Today most Arabs are Muslim, thus the extremist factions purporting to speak for Muslims, however misguided, are not going to take kindly to this perceived slight against the Arab vision of a Palestinian state.

Ok. back to 1937. This time not Erabor of Tolkien's world, but Germany. Hitler's Germany. March 1938 and Austria is annexed. October of the same year Hitler takes the Sudetenland. That portion of the Czechoslovakia border area that is predominantly German speaking. During this time the popularity of Hitler at home was huge. He had brought back pride and postive change to the people of  Germany who had very demonstrably lost it all in the recent war. History of course, now tells us his Foreign policy was any thing but positive.

Now I'm not suggesting Trump is about to annex New Brunswick and Nova Scotia, as i don't think even he would dream that up. But bear in mind it was Hitlers actions in Poland that kicked off WW2.  Germany invaded Poland and caused France and Britain to get involved. We currently have the Syrian conflict being a show of strength between Russian and American ideology by proxy.  Kicking over the previously dormant hornets nest of the Gaza strip could very well be akin to lighting a slow burn fuse that begins a war not between the countries of the "western world" but between those erroneously usurping the "Muslim"/Arab banner and the western military machines. And we know Trumps thoughts on "Muslims" don't we? Anyone else think it's reminiscent of the scapegoated Jews? Subtly different but still eerily worrisome.

Far fetched? Consider that Trump has already mentioned beefing up the American military. Consider that the world has already seen one war that was fought on false pretence. (Iraq 2.0 anyone?) Hitler didn't need to invade Poland. He merely needed an excuse to invade Poland. Austria and the Sudetenland were pretty much historically German thus the international community had little reason to oppose his goals there. But once he went for Poland, well France and Britain had the "reason" for  "justifiable" action. Note I put justifiable in quotes. This does not mean the war against hitler was wrong in my view, far from it. However it serves to highlight that before a country can act there must be political will for a given intervention. Hence Chamberlain's repeated meetings with hitler before the declaration of war, and Tony Blairs WMD's

So back to Trump's decision on the Gaza strip. Why? Either he's very stupid or very clever. Stupid because he fails to see that overturning decades old political stability is dangerous, or clever because that's exactly what he and his team does see and want to create. Light the fuse, create the reason for  intervention and you justify the creation of large military machinery to counter the threat that wasn't there until it was made so. Drag others into the conflict by proxy and you have pretty much a prelude to a large scale conflagration.

Ok ok. I can hear you all going "oh come on.. really .. is that actually gonna happen?" Sure it might not. But consider the timing. Inherent instability of Brexit/stormont/European politics and the growing nationalistic feelings across the world and ask yourself how stable do you think it is? With the right levers even the heaviest of rocks can be moved with but a single push. The American President is on record saying NATO is obsolete. The safety net that held together the threads of 67 years of peace is slowly being removed or undermined.

So what of Tolkien, and the dwarves of Erabor? Erabor was a Dwarven kingdom of untold riches, lost long ago to a brooding dragon who hoarded all the gold and treasures for his own. After the dragon was defeated the Dwarven king was for a time possessed of a sickness. A sickness where anyone who came near the gates of Erabor was perceived as a threat to the riches and a potential Thief. So taken was he by ownership of his kingdom's wealth that he broke all bonds of honesty, loyalty and friendship before he recovered his mind. However by that time many lay dead, entreaties from other civilisations of middle earth had fallen on deaf ears, and an entirely avoidable series of battles had taken place costing millions of lives.

Tolkien himself denied any allegorical context of his writings. But in this instance i think he'd forgive a likening to nationalistic greed. Fair trade, individual rights and freedoms. Bonds of friendship and honour. These are all things that cross borders and bind humanity together despite cultural differences.

If we close our borders, our hearts and our minds, barring our gates, we do so at our own peril. Now more than ever our politicians need to be mindful of the small actions. The seemingly insignificant little occurrences that may, if unchecked, lead the world down a very very dark path. I hope I am proven wrong. I hope this is nothing more than a period of peaceful change in the ever spinning tale of the human race. But will not assume it to be so.

The "alternative facts" that are being espoused from Trump's Whitehouse sow seeds of division, dissent & distrust. In so doing they "muddy the swamp" of truth verses propaganda or spin. Even the words "alternative facts" speak of a regime in love with its own image of itself. The twitter accounts of dissenting departments of the US government being shutdown over trivialities like the numbers of supporters at the inaugurations. This is deeply, deeply troubling. The information itself is banal, but the draconic control measures are quite the cause for alarm.

Lastly, there is now a Federal challenge to Donald J Trump for possible impeachment as he has  repeatedly failed to divest himself fully of his business assets and interests. Something it would not have taken the intellect of Sir Ian McKellen's Gandalf to foresee. Keep in mind that the shadow of extremism stands behind Trump. Not Muslim. but Christian. Mike Pence. Vice President to an administration that is seemingly intent on destabilising the Arab/Israeli situation.

Ask yourself "Why" ?

We are one nation -- We share one heart, one home, and one glorious destiny

"We assembled here today are issuing a new decree to be heard in every city, in every foreign capital, and in every hall of power.

We will seek friendship and goodwill with the nations of the world -- but we do so with the understanding that it is the right of all nations to put their own interests first.

We will reinforce old alliances and form new ones -- and unite the civilized world against radical Islamic terrorism, which we will eradicate completely from the face of the Earth.

There should be no fear -- we are protected, and we will always be protected.

We will be protected by the great men and women of our military and law enforcement and, most importantly, we are protected by God.

Donald J Trump. 45th President of the USA.

The "Trump Card" a modern day Trojan Horse? 

As for the Trump/Pence domestic agenda I'll leave that for another time. Until then stay #stubbornlyoptimistic, for it is needed now more than ever. I'll leave you with yet another Gandalf/Ian McKellen Quote:

"All we can do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us"

T'ill next time... 

The faithful Navigator....

Hello! Tis Sunday again.

What a busy week! Family stuff saw me buzzing unexpectedly down and back up the A1 a few times,  and other stuff just keeps happening in life's usual random way.

It's those random things that I'm thinking of as I write this. For the usual mundane reasons of keeping a roof over my head etc I'm applying for various jobs whilst simultaneously completing my management diploma, and embarking on an NVQ assessors award. Being a few decades old, and having been and done a couple of things, plus holding a fistful of papers that detail my skill set, one would think that this isn't such a big issue. I'm not looking for rocket science jobs, just something that enables me to do the other stuff I've set myself as goals. The usual time/money equation.

So. I recently went for a job at a well known retailer. They deal in bikes amongst other things. Online process? check. Telephone interview? check. Store chat and interview? check.

"It'll take around 2 weeks for a decision so we will let you know"

24 hours later an email arrives in my inbox.

"Blah blah .....other candidates more closely match the skill set were looking for.....blah blah..."

Hmm. ok.

Fine we've all been unsuccessful in interviews, I get that, but in this instance given the yawning gap between what they required and my qualifications and abilities, with the later very much being in the more accomplished end of the scale, I took issue on a number of points.

Of course after a brief escalation it just gets farmed up to a level where Goliath looks at David and just goes. .."yeah? whatever, what you gonna do about it anyhow?"

Now I'm not really fussed. The job was there, it was a possible earner short term, I've not lost anything. Or so I thought.

It occurred to me that this has happened before. Military, Nurse, National retail competitor. All have made subjective decisions regarding me, and thus I find myself at this point in my life, very much on the "have not" side of the afluence and resource see/saw. Seemingly where I've been, what I've done and what I can do, being outweighed by other more nefarious consideration of "what I am"

Now, I'm not about to subscribe to the "woe is me" mantra and blame the world for where my life has arrived at this point. It MY life, thus it's mine to live, as are the consequence of any decisions. In life, action and reaction are ever present, and just because the reaction is perhaps "wrong" does not infer any fault on the action. It does however require one to learn. If you continue to take that action then one must expect a reaction similar to those that have gone before, and develop a way to deal with it. (Societal change is of course another response but that aint exactly a 5 minute job now is it?)

Of course, I'm alluding to the fact that all these circumstances occurred AFTER I came out to various people as trans. Interviewing as a trans person is ...interesting. Before that point I found doors opened, opportunities were presented, and to an extent I was taken at face value for what my resume and life experience indicated. After all, an eloquent white, middle class, male, former soldier is often a positive first impression.

However an eloquent white, middle class, formerly male soldier, not so much. So what am I to do?

Option one ... get angry at the world and curl up into a ball ..screaming you're all fuckers ...
Option two ... revert back to denying myself and fitting in with inherent risks of a depressive return to a very dark mental space
Option three ... Own that shit.... say ok, so you want me to re prove what I've already proven? ...fine its your funeral fuckers... accept it's gonna be a rough ride and roll with it.

Those of you who've read my trans centric posts may know already that I don't purport to understand all this trans stuff, just some of it. What I can say is that despite the slings and arrows of, shall we say,  "discriminatory" behaviour  I find myself smiling. Smiling on the walk back from the village shop cos the sky was burning orange at sunset, Smiling at the thought that for today at least, I can put the heating on. Enjoying a contented feeling as I listen to the rain outside and grinning at a soggy office cat as he comes back home most disgruntled at being soggy. All this despite the situation in which I find myself. Why is that?

Because I realised something after this latest rejection

I thought I'd lost my confidence. For a time the fear of rejection staying my hand in applying for other jobs that I know I can do. For a while i didnt apply for any after this incident. Then it hit me on that walk back from the shop, I still believe in me for I have something the detractors and nay sayers and discriminatory types don't.....

40 years of living as myself through some interesting times. They don't have that knowledge of who, what, and why I am where I am. They don't "know" me and thus the rejection is a reflection on their lack of insight rather than any meaningful reflection on myself as either a person or a professional. Not applying because they may not like what they see is the wrong mindset, trying to second guess them rather than confirming where I myself stand. So let them choose, for the choice is their's to make, nothing more or less than that.

Of course any sane individual will reflect on a process and learn from it. Honest reflection is a key skill in anyone purporting to be self aware. It is fair to say I am not blameless in my current circumstance, and on reflection it perhaps wasn't my best interview ever. But regardless, other's judgments of me are not my burden to bear. They are however rocks in the sea of trepidation through which we all sail. They must be navigated through, just like any other, so that we arrive where we intend. Curling up into a ball and letting go of the tiller will result in a shipwreck more surely than anything else.

But what of option two? cant you just "fit in"? Well the short answer is "been there done that" and it lead here....So no. I'm not gonna try and "fit in" I know innately because of my little smiles, and quiet contentment in life that this path is "a good thing". The old version of me, faced with the these challenges, would - and did - get very confrontational, a personality trait I was never fond of.  These days, even though I still have a temper (who doesn't?) I'm much more chilled out, & maybe a little wiser .. perhaps. This is a Good Thing.

Taking option three however does require something that is at times a little tricky to maintain in the face of such blatant "no platforming" of a frankly pretty decent skill set. Faith. I don't mean the kneeling chanting praying kind. I mean the kind of faith that lets you believe that somewhere behind all those rocks is a safe port. A place where you can again be all you can be, and where others see that for what it is. Faith that your direction is true, your professional compass calibrated, and that you will, if you remain #stubbornlyoptimistic, eventually find that which you seek.

So, my fellow Seafaring readers, be you Trans, black, Hispanic short tall, Male, Female, NB, LGB or Pirate, whatever "it" is that people judge in you, just navigate past that shit, for in the end rocks are worn down by the sea, and that results in safe, smooth waters for all.


Your faithfully...
;-)

Grown ups being children being grown ups being children.

Hey internet. Hows it going?

I am in a thoughtful and introspective mood today as I sit here a little after three in the afternoon. A wet somewhat dull Northeastern November day broods outside the windows, still deciding between whether to actually rain or just sulk in a misty kinda foreboding vibe.

Last night I was at our regular D&D game. Some readers may know I've recently gotten into the Dungeons and Dragons 5e games, playing as a result of joining long time friends who played, one of whom is the dungeon master.

For those of you not familiar with the game it basically boils down to each person having a written character on sheets of paper with a number of abilities, and as a group of people we meet the challenges set by the dungeon master, rolling dice and moving through a fantasy world very much like the one Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee inhabit in Tolkien's Lord of the rings.

Now Role playing in a group is funny, as you may have a character with very different traits to you yourself.. loud/quiet/reserved/brash etc etc...so as you can imagine it makes for some funny and amusing interactions, and thus over all creates a communal story telling experience. Escapism if you will.

However. Social interaction between players can often begin to mirror the social interaction in game between characters, or vice verse. And so it was last night. In a nutshell my character was annoyed with another for doing something stupid and putting the whole party needlessly in harms way....(think Gandalf and Peregrine Took in the mines of moria....you'll get the idea...)

Fool of a took

The reaction of the other party to this event was not great, as the impending retaliation reaction was, to put it mildly, as stupidly self serving as their original action that caused the original incident. If you will it became a "pretend dick waving contest" and thus ensued a brief group wide argument though mercifully settled quickly by our party's senior character member and defacto leader.

So... It set me thinking. (what doesn't?) A bunch of grown adults are sat round playing fantasy games, "pretend" stuff. That then gets imbued with real world rules like "thought" "action 'and "emotion" With "consequence" as a result. Very matrix ish in that you then by virtue of the character having been created by real people, some of whom are very highly invested in their characters survival, get a blurring of real person verse character reactions. 

Add in a Human tendency to create character traits in game that we would like in ourselves, strength honour, bravery whatever, and you get a situation where in some cases the characters can do stuff that the real person would like to but can't. Be empathic for example, or stand down a bully, lead or challenge, all this sort of stuff. 

So much is made of the D&D role play and improvisation being a good thing for learning social skills, creating a team ethos and developing a critical thinking mindset. However in this case its been, through no fault of the game, a detrimental influence. 

In real life I am shy of many forms confrontation, always have been. I have been subjected to corporate bullying and a number of unpleasant real world scenarios. (yeah weird huh? a 6 foot former Military type & Former bloke being bullied pre and post social transition.. well yes that happened) It took quite a lot for me to allow the small piece of plastic on the table to act out exactly what I thought she might do. As a person I'm usually the peace maker of sorts. The huge wave of negativity as a result has not only ensured for the time being that the small plastic model doesn't use quite as many of its imaginary abilities in such a group friendly way, but it also dented my real world confidence, since it would appear I miss judged the other player, leading me to second guess my participation and enjoyment levels within the current game. 

Sure it's "just" bits of plastic on a table, its "Just" numbers on a paper But it's also hours of imagination, and pouring through books to find obscure rules. That little bit of plastic and those dice roles begin to mean quite a lot. But isn't that the point? after all if they didn't we wouldn't play would we? Just watch this video from critical role episode 62. At 2hrs:42mins where Laura Bailey playing Vex'halia gets quite irate about her broom...a flying broom that doesn't even exist! Soooo pent up in fact that her real life hubby Travis (bearded large chap top right) looks really really worried he's on the couch again... (apparently when he almost killed her imaginary bear that happened too...) 

So in an effort to try and bring my inane ramblings to a coherent point. We are all in some way the product of our characters, and them of us. The games we play and the things we "pretend" often bleed into our perceived reality.

For the philosophical mindset, where all creation takes place in the mind first before anything physical even gets done, one could say some of those characters are as real as any other that we watch on the big screen. Frodo and Sam, Luke Skywalker, Micheal knight, Luke an Bo, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Merlin, or even Tyrian Lannister. Thinking about them and being invested in their story makes it so. 

So whatever you're playing, watching or doing, be it "real" or "imaginary" Remember the cardinal rule. 

"Don't be a Dick" 

You'll just piss off the DM, and thats reeeeeaally bad....

#Stubbornlyoptimistic  

Sometimes it ain't gotta be clever to be smart...

Hey Internet.

I'm ok. Two simple words. Currently theres quite a bit happening in the box marked "change" for me.  Some positive, some more of a challenge, and some pretty negative, with a few of each requiring some creative thinking to gain perspective and productive internal narrative.

I'm three stone heavier than I was 12 weeks ago...damn you lethargy and habitual eating/ease of fridge access.

I'm getting a few leads together for a variety of interesting projects I have simmering on the back burner..

Learning stuff is going well with College....opening possible avenues of progression.

The billionaire lifestyle still eludes me.

But thus far at the end of each day when I shut the front door and sit down with cuppa in front of the current fave you tube show .. or in this case twitch stream content ..#criticalrole ... (check it out D&D peeps!) ... I can say at least for the moment in question that "I'm ok" and that is quite the encouraging thought...

As I make my way through each day I've come to realise more and more that my own mental comfort and to perhaps coin a phrase "philosophical armour" comes from within me. At its core is a belief. Which is as all beliefs are, borne of a thought which has been given authority in my own mind, subconscious or otherwise.

What is that belief? Hard to pin down into one word or phrase thats what. The best analogy would be a calm still blue ocean pool after the past winds of a mental and emotional hurricane.

It is simply an idea that has taken root, in the fertile soil of an enquiring psyche, sprouting into a young tree, with branches of hope, perseverance and will.  In time it may blossom into a mature tree of achievement, success blowing through its branches like a far off Narnian wind. 

The belief comes from the thought that even when current circumstances would lead me to a very pragmatic view of daily priorities, I still dare to dream, focusing on the good and the positive thus acting on and planing for the day I achieve those dreams. 

As long as you can still do that as you shut the door each day after doing what needs to be done, enduring whatever slings and arrows are hurled at you for whatever purpose or reason, then you too will be "ok" ... for now. And thats all the time we ever have, so thats ok then. 

Keep it #stubbornlyoptimistic and every once in a while just pause & remember it's where you're going not where you are that defines your purpose and direction. You may not have reached the top step yet, but be grateful you're halfway, those legs of yours done good thus far. You're ok.

I believe that I can. So can you.  

Sarah 

x

Wealthy? Can't buy happiness, so what is "money" after all?

Hi all.

It's Saturday afternoon, a little after 4pm. A cold October weekend's sunshine streaming in through my windows, which are streaked with office cat's paw prints as I sit at the desk and ponder over stuff.  My mug of freshly made coffee is gently steaming on the desktop as I type.

I'm pretty much middle aged. Given the average "3 score and ten" my Dad used to frequently reference as a life span, its fair to say I'm more or less half way through my particular path of life. I am once more out of work, as in paid employment,  after 20months at local bike shop ended with that familiar taste of disappointment and broken albeit false promises one often gets at such times.

I read on the web of Brexit, of a potential 5, 10 or even 20%drop in living standards, whilst watching the politicians ride the wave of public opinion be it informed or no. Propelling society onward. I look at my bank balance. Its not all that healthy and at this point a bag of crisps is very much a major financial decision, going over a tenth of my total available.

In a little over 9 days my rent is due. Another £400. A few days after that I have my Daughter to stay for a week in the holidays. There is genuine concern here for direction, decision and destination as to where all these circumstances may ultimately lead.

But I sit and write this to you on an iMac. Dual screened, 4 years old but still pretty nifty. I have a fridge full of stuff and even though my clothes recently came from a charity shop haul I actually have clothes... I own a number of bikes, a vehicle, and, as of this moment now, this instant have a comfortable life. No one is bombing me, or shooting at me. No one is invading my space except at my own invitation.

It lead me to a question. But firstly to a memory. Years ago I read a book. It was a Tom Clancy novel. Executive orders. Its a big thick political intrigue plot, and features a cyber attack on the stock market, hitting all the back ups of the days trading so that when everything goes off, the hero, Jack Ryan, has to figure this stuff out in a short space of time since the business of business has ground to a halt. The solution was very very clever, and yet simple and profound. (If you want to know what it was go read the book I implore you.. ) but its underlaying principle stayed with me...

The money system, be it dollar, euro, pound or dinars, is based in psychology. The accepted wisdom and view of collective wealth. A £5 note in GBP has no physical value. It's paper. Its pretty much useless except as a token to pass on to another who believes in its value. If you have one take it out and read it. Printed on it are the words " I promise to pay the bearer the sum of" so in that sense a fiver is promise note, an IOU, and nothing more. That it, a physical object is ascribed value far beyond its practical physical worth is an act of collective belief. No more, no less.

Consider a billionaire. He has a mansion and on Monday is worth 20 Billion dollars, in property, business etc. On Tuesday he wakes to find that due to a political change his 20 billion dollars is now suddenly worth 20% less at 16 billion, because of overseas trading etc etc.. However nothing else has changed physically, as he has exactly the same infrastructure he did on Monday, but suddenly he has seemingly "lost" more wealth that many acquire in a single life time.

So. This collective act of belief in a banking system leads us all to chase that which has no value, save that we can acquire that which HAS value through the disposal of that which does not, simply by swapping a fiver for a bag of apples and and something to drink for example.

However, paradoxically, the less we have of that which has no intrinsic value the more it acquires that value since we have to choose what we acquire with it, thus we become aware of what we can't have and thus start to thirst for more of that which has no value until we acquire enough of it whereupon we reach a point at which it almost becomes valueless once more because we have so much of it we can have anything of real value that we wish. .. (ala the billionaire)

Head hurting yet?

So pondering this I asked a question. What is wealth? what are riches? How does one define as a wealthy person. I looked at the car park a few days ago in tescos in my local town, the first ten cars were worth well in excess of 150 thousand GBP combined, yet none were "ultra wealthy" cars. I doubt their owners would call themselves rich. But if one pauses and looks at what we need verses what we have, all those people are rich beyond the wildest dreams of others. In some places simply walking into a room, flicking a little plastic button on the wall and having light burst forth is a wondrous thing. From a certain POV that is billionaire level.

I may not have many fivers at present, but I have other things. Access to knowledge. The ability to learn. Awareness of self. Resources and freedom of movement, and broadly speaking freedom from threats to my person so I can go about my daily living unhindered save for the.shortage of IOU's in my pockets. Pockets kindly made available to me through the local charity shops.

There are undoubted uncertainties ahead for me and some may be difficult, even unpleasant, but I finish my cup of coffee and smile as the sun sets over the Derwent valley darkening my room so that I'll soon have to put some lights on...probably candles since thats cheaper, warmer and waaaaay more atmospheric...

I have lived periods where the IOU's in my bank were stacking up nicely, and thousands passed through my hands on a monthly basis, but at the time I always wanted more. Feeling behind the curve, never quite there, always playing catch up....all the while missing the knowledge that the very thing that I was chasing was right there in my hands. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't regret at recollection of my foolhardiness, frustration at having been on "team have", whilst all the while labouring under a "have not" culture. never the less the lesson that followed was very much needed, for it brought me to this point in time and for that I am grateful.

I would submit that true wealth is knowing your worth, and having the awareness to know when you are wealthy, with the humility to be thankful for it. That is worth more than the largest pay check in the land.

keep safe, be #stubbornlyoptimistic and don't let life, or any else, get you down.

The Metaphorical billionaire.

Welcome to the wistful wanderings of one simple soul through that most wondrous of things, the waking mind.

Hello!

Welcome to the wistful wanderings of one simple soul through that most wondrous of things, the waking mind.

Perhaps somewhat strangely for an author of a positivity and awareness blog I have been been persistently down of late. Life having a few, err we shall call them, "challenges" and.... "questions", the answers to which I am currently still in search of.

Pondering over my freshly brewed cup of tea, it brought me to this thought.

"Where does positive mindset start?" Where is the beginning of the end of negativity?

Who knows? Plainly not I,  for I as much as anyone still endure all the trappings of negativity.

Self doubt? yup.
Indecision? yup.
Fear? hell yeah.
Immobility of purpose? Oh baby, thats present and correct in spades...
Shame? ...yeah..but we never  mention that shit
Blame?....weeelllll? ...
Self destruct mode...damn you better believe it...

Bingo..there we have it ladies and gentle persons of all self defined races and classes of Human, Teifling, Orc or Elven kind. Be you Ranger or Rogue, Monk or Martial class, before we can access positivity one must address blame...or to give it another, less controversial name...responsibility for the self. (If you dunno what half of those things are are look up Dungeons and Dragons 5th editions...epic RPG game.. highly recommended)

We all make screw ups. some big, some small. Over the course of a life they will be many and varied. Blame, accusation and the guilt it brings forth are all traits that in many ways are self destructive. Even though to err is human and is one of the very things that defines us as a "self aware" species.

Responsibility for the self, and acceptance, embracing consequence and change all pretty much add up to the same thing, but the framework of emotion that these words are set within is very, very different.

Spend too much time in the contemplation of first set of words/emotions and one courts the possibility of going down a route of self recrimination, and dislike. Since one accepts one has arrived at this point in life through ones own actions and interactions with the world at large, one must also accept that those mistakes and miss steps, if avoided, could have led us to a very different place at this point in that same life. If you're in a period of difficulty as a result of those actions and mistakes, that then makes it a very very bitter pill to swallow. Add in a sprinkle of loss (be it privilege, wealth or persons) and eh voila a potion of self recrimination and loathing fit for any one of a self deprecating or even mildly modest mindset( and very probably an 8D10+10 at that)

“All men make mistakes, but a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong, and repairs the evil. The only crime is pride.” 
― Sophocles, Antigone

However reframing all that into a mindset of "shit that went south, ok I buggered that up...whats my next move" is the key point here. You either get stuck in the potion of self loathing, or decide to accept you screwed up big time, take it as an "unplanned learning experience" and file it under the chapter heading "not doing that shit again" In your as yet unwritten autobiography. 

"What's my next move?" predisposes the one asking the question to believe there is a next move, to assume there is a direction and a possible progression even if its not necessarily along pre planned lines. 

“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” 
― J.K. Rowling

So where does negativity end? It probably doesn't. So where does Positivity start? Wherever you choose it to do so, and then decide in which direction it may suggest you go.

Its a well known principle of business. look up any successful entrepreneur or business owner. There will be failed businesses in that persons past, without question. They succeed through always, always, always asking .."whats my next move?" because they always believe there is one.

“Failure is only the opportunity more intelligently to begin again.” 
― Henry Ford

Until the next Adventure...stay #stubbornlyoptimistic

When a song gets stuck in your head....

You ever had  that kinda day when a song just  gets stuck in your head and  it wont shift?

If you're luck it'll be a good tune, and one that youre kinda happy to have humming away in the background.

Well today is just such a day for yours truly, so i thought i'd share....

Now in common with a number of people within a certain age bracket, I'm a fan of  JBJ musically. But also in regards to his "take" on the "positivity mindset thing." Aside form being a bunch of kick ass musicians, the band have each individually taken their creativity and branched out into new areas and new ways of being "success"

"Bon Jovi" is a successful "business" and brand. Thats no accident. Wether you like the music or not, the success cannot be ignored....

I found this a few months back....its worth a listen....

Until next time, live  your dreams, and stay #stubbornlyoptimistic