Created as a spin off of the older Spoken Sprocket Cycling blogs that I've written, Stubbornly Optimistic is all about life, philosophy and positivity in the face of our everyday challenges. The intent is to kindle thought, discussion and exploration of ideas through my own musings and those of yourselves, the readers. Have any feedback? hit the twitter link and let me know!
For
my part, as I went away, I reasoned with regard to myself:
“I
am wiser than this human being. For probably neither of us knows
anything noble and good, but he supposes he knows something when he
does not know, while I, just as I do not know, do not even suppose
that I do. I am likely to be a little bit wiser than he in this very
thing: that whatever I do not know, I do not even suppose I know.”
Of late I've been aware of a darker tone creeping into this blog. It is probably inevitable, since every person who examines what life, and "being human", actually means might come up with some ....err.... disheartening revelations?
Anyhow, in an attempt to redress the balance, and focus on the positive narrative for a while......
........Actually having sat and thought, staring at the blank page for a good 5 minutes, I've realised that nothing immediately jumps to mind as wholly positive.....or wholly negative. which ...oddly is a kinda positive?. :-)
Things just "happen' these days. I rarely describe much meaning to them, beyond that of the moment. Perhaps I'm becoming an Existentialist?
Except for one thing. In precisely 4 days I get to go and collect my daughter for the week.
That is Good.
The title "Stubbornly Optimistic" was initially meant as something of a tongue in cheek comment on the situations in which I found myself after life imploded in early 2010.
Some 7 yrs on from that point, and despite a world of random occurrence and mishap, or the discriminations both big and small I am still here.
"I" &"I am" are powerful concepts. Whilst the world might not know who "I am" and those that I work, discuss & argue with whilst generally existing alongside them might criticise or question, it's becoming clearer every day just who "I am"
I am that kid who always drove teachers mad asking "but Why?
I am the adult that continues to ask that simple question, constantly and infuriatingly, but now with bigger words and more syllables
I am something the world defines as a parent and my daughter defines as her "mad dad" in a way that often makes me chuckle.
I am teacher, mentor, guide and go getter of food when the daughter runs out of sausages.
I am terrible at singing but can pull of a mean car dance shuffle
I am the narrator of a world of funny voices, that make the "wee princess" laugh in the car.
I am Stubbornly optimistic.
Which is almost everything. At this point in my life, 7 years on from the bubble bursting and dumping me quite uncerimoniously on my arse, wet, worn out, and severely whipped by life, what "I am" still occupies a part of my mind that will never ever give up:
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
Now be honest, how many of you read that and heard Morgan Freeman's voice in your head?
So, the positive bit in todays musings is that I suggest we are all captains, we all have agency, and we all have ability to use that which we have to its best effect. The first part in changing any given situation is the mental acceptance of one's own refusal to be bound by the circumstance's in which you find yourself.
I haven't quoted Dr Dyer in a while, but this seems apt.
"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change"
And to finish heres a random cool video i found on Youtube the other day ... I've been following Steph Sanjati for years now, and this made me smile... (trust me).
So. Despite all my recent words to the contrary, the word isn't all dark, doom and dreary. Just bits of it. When dealing with all those bits don't forget to come up for air occasionally and look at the other stuff. The view is pretty amazing.
Sunday, March, 2017. A little village in the North East of England on Planet Earth.
At Twenty-five minutes past Two in the afternoon.
Today I find myself detached, unable to write much of consequence or focus on any of the larger projects I have at various stages of completion.
Yet the Sun shines, the weather grows warmer and I get the feeling that just round the corner theres a sea change coming. Spring, it would seem is a great herald of hope.
Yet doubt clings at my mind like an oily residue, I've been here before, with all indications looking favourable, yet I ended disappointed. It takes an act of blind faith on occasion to keep going, to "do" when you feel more "don't".
Often times when we find ourselves in these mental places, it is our friendships that assist in navigation of choppy waters. Our sense of place amongst peers that guides our ship back to calmer seas and a firmer heading.
Sadly, I find myself unable to avail myself of that help this day, thus I turn to the blank page of the internet blog, a keyboard and my own thoughts whilst staring out the window at a sunny, warm and inviting but ultimately indifferent day.
I am intent on the problem at hand, my detachment. It's causality, and thus its resolution. It would seem that the allegorical story of "Plato's cave" is quite apt.
But what of myself? Free soul? or returning cave dweller? The answer to that depends on the outcome of the internal conversation between hope, faith, fear and doubt.
Plus, I guess also how hard those people aiding my escape pull on the ropes.
